Thoughts Unwanted

Losing

I've been losing a lot. Losing a lot of weight. Losing motivation. Losing self-esteem. Losing my appetite. And Losing my mind. I also found "losing your mind" a very weird saying. Now I understand that there really isn't any other way to describe it. While it's physically impossible to lose your mind unless your skull breaks open, I understand the phrase. I don't feel like me anymore. I don't feel like anything. I'm numb. It's as though my essence just disappeared and left me a shell of a person.

I try to fill myself up again but it's never enough. I hang out with my friends all the time because I would go insane if I didn't. Today I stayed in my room for hours and only went to half of my classes. I just stayed in my room doing pointless things and playing the Sims 4 for five hours. I feel bad for my roommate. What if she had wanted to be in the room? Was I bothering her?

I've never been a stuffed animal person. Not even as a child. I was always fine sleeping on my own and found it weird when other kids needed their doll in order to fall asleep. For my past birthday, my sister got me a stuffed cat. It reminds me so much of my cat and I miss him so much. I've been sleeping with this stuffed cat every single night. Who the fuck am I? I'm 19 years old and sleeping with a stuffed animal.