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|eighty|

October 2022

for a person to whom, previously, the concept of 'love' was just another name for pain and 'forever' meant a void stretch of time of meaningless, excruciating existence, thinking of a potential future couldn't be easy. especially if it involves actually loving someone, wanting, needing them so much that you'd actually be willing to share the rest of your life with them, to be willing to bond into a relation of such high accordance as of marriage, was nothing less than terrifying. so naturally, the first time the thought occurred to him, it scared louis out of his mind.

 it was towards the end of his final year that harry had found him mid-panic attack amongst the unending pile of papers and photographs and folders, had wrapped himself around louis without a word, murmuring into his ear little reminders to breathe and that 'everything would be okay'. it was so easy when he said it, louis had thought later when he had his beautiful boy sleeping in his arms, it was so easy to believe it would all be okay, maybe not immediately, but someday. someday when they'd be married, have a house of their own, even kids, it'd all be perfect. louis had flinched outwardly as if the thought itself had burned him. fearful as he was, he felt utterly stupid too. they had yet to finish university, find actual jobs, own an apartment and here was louis, thinking about 'forever'. he'd instantly dismissed it and the thought had deposited itself to some place far, far back in his mind.

it became easier to handle it with each time it resurfaced at the smallest, insignificant moments; when he'd wake up to (shirtless) harry making him breakfast, when they'd be doubled over in laughter playing scrabble, when he'd run his fingers through his hair with his head in louis' lap while harry tried to study, when they'd sometimes spend whole nights at harry's clearing by the sea; it eventually became less scary, more sure and every day with harry, each kiss, each memory made only reminded him of how much he wanted it. they'd checked every box of requirements that louis had needed to fulfil- having earned titles of 'chief photographer' and 'biologist' and moved into a flat in a nice neighborhood, close to their friends, didn't have a single doubt in their minds about being 'the one' for each other- but that didn't mean louis was prepared for the desicion. besides they hadn't really talked about who was going to be the one to actually propose. those were the excuses louis had made to reason with himself why the ring he'd purchased four months ago had been lying buried deep in their closet. 

until today, that is.

"lou lou!" harry's sing-song voice calls out, the sound of the shutting door following. 

louis lets out a little hum, leaning forward to hide his face into a cabinet, trying his best to get the lunatic smile off his face, gripping the edge of the counter tightly to stop his hands from shaking. he shuts the door to the small storage space, keeping a straight face and turning around just as harry enters the kitchen, placing his clinking keys on the table, walking towards him.

"i haven't seen you all day, where have you been?" he whines, playfully, caging louis in a cuddle.

"where have i been?" louis laughs softly, brushing at his curls sticking out at the nape of his neck, hoping harry couldn't hear his heartbeat which seemed to be sounding throughout his body.

"mph" harry sighs, beginning to pepper kisses onto louis' lips and jaw. he was right, though. niall had whisked harry away right after breakfast on the lovely sunday morning, saying something about shopping for guitars and wanting to spend the day with his favorite lad and they hadn't gotten a chance to so much as text since. however, louis wasn't the one to complain, since he'd himself oh-so-kindly arranged it ("thought you weren't an absolute corny sap, tommo!" "niall, will you shut the fuck up and take him out or do i need to call liam?").