moonlight|| instagram {l.s.}

|forty-seven|

the aftermath of louis' outburst was a blotchy nose, red-rimmed, burning eyes, a dry throat and common to both of their parts, feeling like absolute shit.

louis didn't want to pull away from harry, to look into those shining, emerald eyes just to see pity and sorrow for himself in them. he didn't want to hear something so painful from those soft, pink lips that would end his life right there and then. he just wanted to stay in this cocoon of warmth and safety, just a little longer, wanted to relish just a little more.

but the wetness seeping onto his scalp made him lift his head, looking up to see his eyes shut tight, tears trickling down his cheeks, bottom lip quivering. he lifted himself, standing on his knees, between harry's thighs, brushing off the tears.

his eyes open, scanning louis momentarily before he wipes his face with the back of his hand, looking away. louis steps back, sitting before him with his legs bent underneath.

"i'm sorry, louis" he murmurs after a while, gaze still fixed at the window overhead.

"for?"

"not being there when you needed me" he looks at louis for a moment before turning his gaze to the floor.

"it's okay, really, h" his weak voice utters, making him look back up, "when has anyone ever?" he whispers almost absentmindedly. the expression harry's face contorts into would be the exact picture you'd put next to the word heartbreak.

his hand gently slips into louis', and so do tears down his cheeks, "that's what i want to do, lou. i want to always be there when you need me, i wanna hold you when you're upset, listen when you wanna talk, reassure you when you need it. tell you how fucking beautiful you are every single day of your life and love you every second of mine" his voice cracks, but he continues, "but i don't know how lou. i don't know what to do. i just, those- those comments, i know that it's the internet, i shouldn't let it get to me, i know that you are worth so much fucking more. but i'm stupid, stupid, so stupid" he shook his head frantically, curls bouncing, "there were... people- strangers talking about me. i felt so exposed, louis, so vulnerable"

louis could almost see it in front of his eyes. his little, fragile harry, hiding in the likes of the dungeons in a castle, alone and terrified, feeling like the enemies would attack and tear down the castle walls at any moment.

"i-i was scared, lou. scared that you would realize we were not good-that i was not right for you. i thought i could work it out if we were apart but i, fuck- i can't, lou. i can't fucking function. and being away from you is the worst thing that could happen to me. but i'm stupid. so fucking stupid" he spits bitterly, a hand tugging at his roots, teeth gritted angrily.

louis picks their still intertwined hands, bringing them up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to the back of harry's hand. he once again shuffles between harry's thighs, lowering himself to his eye level and an arm is quickly, instinctively wrapped around his waist. he presses soft kisses to harry's cheeks, forehead and his nose, which brings the ghost of a smile to both their faces. 

"you don't have to do anything, h. don't do anything, just- just stay with me. be with me and we'll get through it all, just because we're together, your own words" louis spoke, his voice still raspy and shaky, "god, i suck at this" he mutters under his breath, before exhaling, "you're not stupid, harry, you're not stupid. being insecure is not stupid. having doubts is not stupid. and i don't know why you should. in us? never. h, you know that i love you, with everything in me. for the one hundred twenty eighth time, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. and i'm never letting you go"

the smiles, the shine in their eyes, the burning feeling in their hearts was slowly beginning to creep back.

"in yourself? you are the closest it gets to perfect, trust me. i honestly don't know what i did to deserve you. you- harry, you've made me feel things i thought i'd never feel again. do things i've never done before. you - you've made me feel like, after all, maybe i do have a place in this world. and it's right here" he gestures to himself wrapped in harry's arms, "and i'm so grateful, i don't think i'll ever be able to tell you and, just- i love you" he finally breathed out.

he felt like he'd spoken more in the past five minutes than he'd done his whole life. but the feeling of having it all out in the open, and much greater, that of the smile on harry's face was ineffable. so was it of being pulled by his hoodie to have his lips pressed against those heavenly ones.

he cupped harry's face with one hand, threading the other in his curls, as their lips worked against each other slow and soft.

"i love you too, so fucking much" harry breathed out, after they broke off. "and i'm so sorry, so, so, sorry"

"you better be" louis attempted a smirk before burying his face in the crook of harry's neck, hugging him close, as harry pressed soft kisses across his cheek, neck, and shoulder and gestured louis to lift his head to plant one on his lips. he studied harry silently as if absorbing the fact that he really had the privilege of having the most beautiful- inside and out- person in the world to himself.

"lou?"

"hmm?" he asked, twirling harry's curls between his fingers, head resting on his shoulder.

"where's your instagram?"

louis lifted his head to face harry, giving a shrug and small smile, "i deactivated. and gonna delete it as soon as possible"

harry's eyes widened, "why?"

"t'was the reason for everything."

"lou, no. you can't do that. that is one of the most important things in your life, the thing you're most passionate about, the thing you love so much. and i will not allow you to let go of it because of me"

"but har-"

"no." he cuts him off firmly, "you will get it back"

louis blinks, before nodding quickly. he lifts himself up against harry, cradling his head and lowering to place a few soft kisses on his lips. their mouths moved against each other, unrushed, with utmost leisure as if they had all the time in the world, all worries and thoughts dispelled.

after they detached, louis spoke so soft, audible for only harry's ears to hear, "h, i'm yours, heart, body, and soul. love me and heal me or shatter me into a hundred pieces. i'll be right here as long as it lasts" 

the words seemed to embed themselves into harry as they left louis' mouth.

"forever" he replied in a heartbeat because he'd never been so sure about something he'd ever said before.

"forever is a really long time, curly"

"and i want even beyond that with you, tiny" 

their lips collided once again, fervent and feverish kisses exchanged this time, tongues lapping with urgency, fingertips dancing across each other's arms; as if making up for all the lost time. 

"fuck, i love you, harry" 

"i love you too, lou, i love you so much" he breathed out in between passionate, fiery kisses, as louis' cold fingers slipped up his torso, making all the blood rush to his head, heart skipping beats because that's what one touch from louis could do to him.

somewhere in between of breathless making out and soft giggles, they eventually made it to the bed. in the few streaks of light that entered through the window, the floor was soon strewn with various articles of clothing, louis kissed harry down into the mattress, mouth and hands exploring new territories, marking, memorizing each curve, each flaw, harry reveling in his scent and warmth. the way their bodies fit together seemed like they'd known each other forever, while each other's names were cried out, every sound a promise of trust and love.