Breathe

Hormones

Chapter two | Hormones

Pregnancy was weird. This Meredith concluded weeks before, but it never lost its meaning. She categorized herself as a woman in control of her emotions. Meredith Grey wasn't the type of woman to put her feelings on a pedestal for the world to see. In fact, she rarely put what she felt out there for anyone to take a gander at. For years her husband spent an incredulous amount of time prying her open bit by bit. Derek had been successful. She was much more open with him now about what really was going on inside her head and heart than she was when they first met. But even so, there were still some things Meredith wouldn't allow herself to do.

Albeit, her permeated womb had other plans.

It seemed the baby was now in control of almost any feeling she had. No emotion Meredith felt was ever kept secret. The wild hormone train reminded her of a patient she rounded on with Derek years ago who blushed every time she felt an inkling of a feeling. Of course for Meredith her face wasn't crimson but her irises definitely puddled with tears or her lips practically ached from laughing so much.

She vividly remembers making fun of cheesy rom-coms on tv with Cristina over how dramatic the pregnant women were. At that time, Meredith still despised the simple notion of being a mother and figured she'd never be left to deal with the issue. Now she was really pregnant and suffering through an emotional cesspit of baby induced hormones.

Thinking she could control whether something made her smile or crumble to tears was a joke. Meredith, being exactly who she is, really assumed she was beyond the typical pregnant lady crap. Maybe her dark and twisty was useful in other departments such as being immune to trauma or never shedding tears at funerals but not in this case. Her nerves were jostled and twisted akin to tangled wires. She was a ticking time bomb essentially and one wrong step would set her off.

"Your eyes are red." Cristina snickered when pulling a light blue scrub top over her head.

Meredith brushed her lids with the back of her palm, feeling appreciative she opted against mascara today. "Shut up."

Her friend snorted. "Someone's in a mood today."

She inhaled slowly. "I'm not in a mood, I'm just..." pregnant. It's what she wanted to say so freaking bad. Barely anyone knew about the pregnancy. In fact the only people she had told so far were Derek, Cristina, and Lexie although that was merely a fluke. Her sister caught wind of conversation she was having with Derek in the kitchen a couple days ago. She was met with squeals of delight and her sister kneeling by her flat stomach, murmuring baby talk. The excursion was all a little strange for Meredith and she nearly smacked Derek across the face when she found him quietly chuckling in the corner.

All in all, her pregnancy was still much of a mystery to everyone. Not even the chief knew which she understood would become an issue if she kept ignoring the conversation. Being pregnant meant sooner than later Meredith wasn't going to be able to work languorous shifts anymore. She would have to trade in trolling for cases on Tuesday nights for quiet evenings reading What to Expect When You're Expecting.

"I had a rough night." Meredith concluded as she slipped her navy converse over her heel. "And I'm tired."

"Too much sex with McDreamy?" Alex chimed from behind. Meredith could feel her skin heat at the admission and she did all that she could to repress a hormone induced screaming match to rear its ugly head.

She watched as he snickered and fastened the watch on his left wrist. "You're just pissed I'm getting laid every night and you aren't." A wicked grin stretched.

"Hey I was shot, I have a reason to be celibate." He concluded with a sneer.

"Shepherd was shot and he's still getting laid." Jackson commented somewhere beyond the cluster of residents bustling to dress for the workday.