I haven't been very consistent. I'm supposed to journal everyday, but it's too hard. Sometimes it's too hard to even get out of bed. There are times life is so overwhelming all I can do is sit in my bath tub with the lights off and curtains closed. I want to know more about myself and past. At the same time I don't. Every time I remember something new it just hurts. I cry a lot now. My dog whimpers every time I do and I feel so bad I force myself to stop. Even then I feel like maybe he can still feel how sad I am. Or maybe he just hates when I get hiccups ha. Or better yet maybe I'm just crazy. The nightmares are back again. They're so real I often wake up in terror. Maybe I'm crazy. Yeah that's it. I'm going to call this the end. I have to sleep so I can be a good dad tomorrow. Otherwise I'll sleep all day while my daughter spends time with a nanny. I don't want that. I'm not a very good parent. It's hard to give someone part of yourself when you're not even whole. I hope she doesn't grow up to hate me.
