I can't believe almost 3 years ago I was given such a blessing. In 1 month my biggest joy will be 3 years old. It's been a wild ride. She's taught me so much. I love being her daddy.
After having to give up dancing she saved my life without even having a clue. On the days I wanted nothing more to stay in bed and starve to death, she'd poke her head in and say "up daddy." It was enough to make my body move. When she saw I wouldn't eat my food she'd look at me and say "okay daddy eat" in the same tone I tell her to eat. She's so unbelievably intuitive and intelligent it scares me sometimes. Because it feels like she can see right through me. When she stares in my eyes I feel as though she sees my lifetime.
There are moments I look at her and see nobody but her mother. And other moments I see nobody but myself. When I look at her she reflects my best qualities... and well. She's stubborn. Like us both.
I'm having troubles navigating being the parent of a Black child in America. Not because of her obviously. Only because people are cruel. And they create cruel children who internalize mysterious hate. The other day Carina went to school happy and came back a completely different child. Some kids decided to refuse to include her, pull her hair, and call her dirty because her skin is brown. How do I explain racism to my toddler? My baby girl who adamantly includes and shares everything with everyone. How do I explain to her that some people will hate her for having a different tone of skin before she will ever get the chance to show the content of her character. Fuck them. They don't deserve her light anyway. If I could keep her home and with me at all times I would but that just isn't how the world works. And that girl wants to go everywhere and see everything. She's not even three ad I need to talk to her about racism.
