Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Abnegation

A/N: Sorry this took such a long time to get out, bros. But I will be getting chapters out more often now! (And I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit choppy, I didn't have time to edit and rewrite)

Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter Six: Abnegation

Enjoy!

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Usagi's POV:

Morning had come, bringing such sorrow and grief I couldn't function properly. I'd woken up before Misaki had, and as I was getting dressed, saw the suitcase halfway packed on the nightstand. The sight sent ice into my bloodstream, and I simply didn't know what we were going to do. Takahiro was no where near close to joking, he would probably come to pick Misaki up himself.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

There had been no doubt in my mind, until this point, that he hadn't been kidding. Surely it had been one elaborate joke that they were both involved in. That could have been the reason I hadn't done anything prior to now. It was our life, not his. Misaki was an adult and he was free to do whatever (or, whoever, in this case) he pleased. Now I was so certain of his honesty that it hurt; I had pissed away an essential chance to take him away before anyone else could take him away from me. 

I felt sick.

I wrapped my arms around Misaki, my eyes never moving from the suitcase in the corner that held my gaze with the tightest grasp. He stirred in my grip, "Usagi?" He asked groggily.

"Please go back to sleep," I kissed the back of his head, "I don't want to let you go yet."

Misaki twisted around, "Usagi, it's okay. I won't leave just because I've woke up." Misaki smiled genuinely, taking my face in his hands. How could he look so happy?

Misaki's POV:

I've never seen him so clingy, and that was saying something. Why was he being so-

Takahiro.

Memories burned through my blood, scorching my mind and searing my body to black. How could I have forgotten even for one moment that I had to leave?

After brushing my lips swiftly across Usagi's, I sat up, breaking my promise of not leaving in the process. He echoed my movements and walked around the bed frame and sat on the same side as I. He draped an arm around my shoulders. "Don't cry, angel...please don't cry," Usagi coaxed. I hadn't even realized the water blurring my eyesight until Usagi had mentioned it.

No, I had to stop crying.

As if on que, my cellphone vibrated on the nightstand, it's face lighting up with the name "Takahiro".

Usagi peered over my shoulder, and his discomfort was palpable. I reached over and flipped open my phone. It was an email from Takahiro. It read:

Misaki, I sincerely hope you are nearly done packing. I am coming to get you at 3:00, and will not wait a moment longer. I'm on my way now.

My eyes flicked over to the alarm clock, and 11:37 AM shone brightly in white light. Usagi hadn't woken me up again.

I felt Usagi tense beside me. "I'll help you," he said stoically. I didn't know what else I was expecting, but his words hurt me. Like, I had been suspecting him to jump to my aid and magically convince Takahiro to let me stay with him. But that wouldn't happen.

And I was an idiot for thinking so.

***

We did not say a word to each other the following three hours. Both of us had been locked in our own minds, dreading what would happen in less than an hour. I had received another message from Takahiro asking if I was ready. Usagi hadn't heard it go off, but I still didn't reply.

I wouldn't speak to Takahiro, I wouldn't cook for him, eat with him, or participate in any prolonged contact. He simply wasn't my brother anymore. And I was ready to accept that, now.

Now I was standing in front of the door, looking down at the slice of darkness beneath it, two suitcases at my sides. I felt a presence behind me suddenly, but refused to acknowledge it. Nothing could tear me away from my sliver of nothingness.

"Misaki, you have to talk to me at some point."

My lips quivered with tears. You're not going to stop him, I wanted to say. But that was far too selfish. I honestly didn't know why I was angry. Or sad. Or whatever the hell I was feeling. Everything had piled up, and it hurt. It hurt like a dull throbbing of old wound, pulsing behind skin that had been bloody and bruised, but still managed to repair itself.

That would be what I would have to do in the end. Repair myself. I would be broken without Usagi, that wasn't an assumption or an inference, that was an inevitability that left no room for alteration.

I turned around slowly, and Usagi stood with a large cigarette hanging from his lips, the end a seared bud of ash; flaring up as he took an inhale of the awful smoke.

"You promised you'd quit," I whispered, my eyes lowering. A smirk pulled the corner of his lip, and as he opened his mouth to say something, a sudden doorbell cut him off.

I remembered Usagi mentioning he gave Takahiro a key at one time or another, and I'm sure he suddenly regretted it.

A distraught look twisted Usagi's face as he neared the door, an expression I hated.

He simply opened the door without looking to see who dwelled behind it, we both knew better than to look. Usagi turned, his back facing Takahiro. As he swerved back toward me, I latched my hand around his.

"Hello, Usami. Misaki. You're ready, I'm hoping," Takahiro's voice echoed behind me, that voice that had once brought so much amity to our lives suddenly vanished in a moment, and in it's wake, leaving nothing but affliction.

No, I couldn't go with this man. Usagi wouldn't let me go, he promised me he wouldn't let go.

I turned to him for guidance, only to see him picking up my bags and handing them to Takahiro, who wore an arrogant smirk.

"Let's go, Misaki," Takahiro said abruptly, gesturing toward the door with his full hands. He began to usher me out, until I said;

"No."

He only stared for a moment, "What?"

"I won't leave."

"You've got to go, Misaki...you have to go..." Usagi whispered, letting go of my hand. It fell to my side, slapping onto my jeans. I looked back, eyes wide with tears.

"Usagi?"

Does he want me gone?

Hair hid his eyes, but I saw a lone tear sink down his face, "Usagi, you promised, you promised you wouldn't let this happen!" Takahiro pushed me out of the open door, "Usagi!" I cried, fighting against my brother. He set down the suitcases and held me back with one arm as he flicked a wave to Usagi and began closing the door.

Through the decreasing view of Usagi, I saw the door slowly close. My love, my world, my very life was fading away right in front of me and I could do nothing to stop it. So in absence of any reality, I screamed,

"Usagi!!"