Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

I'll Be OK

Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter Eighteen: I'll Be OK

A/N: This chapter is pretty gruesome, bros. It contains imagery of violence, affliction, and distress. I'd advice not reading if these topics are something you can't handle.

Enjoy!
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Usagi's POV:

I hated fighting with Misaki, but sometimes he was just too dense to be sensible. Or have a sensible conversation in general. I was not about to let something as important as finding Takahiro slip through my fingers again. The fact that I had so nearly killed him always gnawed at the back of my head, but I had honestly thought he was dead. His face was smashed in; unrecognizable. His trachea was bruised, it had to be, it was just seconds away from being crushed. Next time I would make sure he was dead. Loyd knew that, but he didn't think I would go through with it.

He'll be surprised.

I had already figured out what I would do to him. First his lips. I'd sew them together so he would never say another word. He'd never say anything to Misaki again. It would only corrupt him. Then his eyes would go. I'd pour tar or wax on them. Maybe oil. He'd never be able to see Misaki again. He didn't deserve to. Then I'd burn his fingerprints off; he'd never be able to touch anything again. He'd never touch Misaki again. Then would come the climax of if all. I'd slice a pocketknife across his abdomen. His entrails would threaten to spill out. But it would be okay, he'd die after I stabbed his chest. Right through his chest plate. I would recreate the wounds he gave Misaki that would never heal.

A smirk pulled my lips at the macabre thoughts. I had never been one for horror and gore, but when something like the downfall of a lover is what you encounter, you'll find your mind slowly being swallowed into a vile pit of violence.

Violence to the one who caused your downfall.

Revenge is what made me like this. Misaki knew that, Loyd knew that Aikawa knew that, I knew that. I wanted revenge and I was ready to pay through the nose to get it. I was going to protect him. I would protect Misaki. Even if it meant my life.

My cellphone buzzed to life in my pocket, and as if on cue a red light blared brightly in front of me in the darkness of the night. I used the momentary stop to check the message. It was from Aikawa.

Usami-sensai, I need to speak with Misaki. I have a birthday present for him. Did he go out for groceries? He's not home. Please let me know.
-Aikawa

My eyes widened, he wasn't home? Impossible, Misaki wasn't to leave our property, in fact he'd been suggested to be put on suicide watch, but I refused. The very idea of Misaki causing himself any form of harm made me shutter, but I knew Misaki would hate it. He would never do that.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I had to see if it was Takahiro that'd been spotted. But I also had to know where Misaki was.

What if Takahiro had gotten to him again?

The mere thought itself was enough to give me that one last push to veer the wheel to the left. Horns exploded all around me but I didn't care. I straightened the car out in the direction of the new lane and headed back home. I punched buttons into the keyboard of my phone while one hand gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles bleached.

"Hello?" came the voice on the other line.

"Loyd, I can't make it. Somethings happened with Misaki...it's-it's probably nothing but I need to check on him to make sure," I exhaled a bit roughly as my eyes flicked all around my surroundings. Landing on a speed limit sign, the licence plate of a car in front of me, the lights of the city, the few people walking carelessly down the sidewalk.

"Alright, I understand, but Usami-san, if it is him then we'll have to take him into custody immediately. You wont be able to contact him in any way," Loyd said, his words thick with an American accent. It was hard to understand him when he spoke too fast.

I bit my lip, and after a moment replied, "Then so be it."

The line went dead soon after and the phone slipped from my grip. I was ten minutes away, too far.

I was way too far.

***

I parked in an illegal parking zone, but at the moment I didn't care. I slammed the door shut behind me and ran up the stairs to our floor. The door flew open. I ran inside.

Empty.

The entire apartment was empty, save for the birthday present entitled 'Misaki' Aikawa must have left behind. "Misaki!!" I called as I ran to his room, though I somehow knew he wouldn't be in there. Aikawa would have checked, she would have expected us being scarce.

It was just as I thought, the room was clean, untouched. Unusually so. His bed was made perfectly, but there was a small piece of paper on his smoothed down pillow. I neared it slowly, and as I reached to pick it up, my hand froze.

The words, "I'm Sorry, Usagi" were written in Misaki's soft handwriting on the paper.

As my hand hovered over the note, suspended in the air with trembling fingers, I picked it up cautiously at the corner. My eyes stung with impending tears, what did he mean? Why was he sorry? I understand that we had a fight, but did he mean to signify something more important?

I crushed the paper in my hand, but as I did so saw more text written in pencil on the back. I smoothed my fingers over the area of the paper with the words:

I'll Be OK.

"MISAKI!" I screamed, I screamed so loud the other residents would surly have heard it.

I heard shouts above my head, we were on the sixth floor. I don't know what is was, but something told me that Misaki was up there, for most certainly a self destructive reason. Something burned in my stomach and bile rose up in my throat at the thought.

I bounded up the stairs two steps at a time, stumbling many times due to the quivering of my knees. I was terrified. The door to the roof was meters in front of me, soon feet, then inches. I pushed it open, and crawled up the slanted ladder.

I was hit with the cold winds of January frost, and saw Misaki standing on the edge of the building. The ledge was only inches wide. "Misaki, Misaki!" I crawled up the remainder of the steps and desperately reached out to grab him. He turned around and looked at me with wide, regretful eyes. They swelled with tears. It was heartbreaking.

A woman stood beside him, the lady from the first floor. She had two kids if I remembered correctly, young toddlers. She had no husband, but was still so kind. She was sweet. Rin, I believe her name was.

Rin held desperately onto Misaki's coat, looking at me with her face twisted in a look of panic. Of hopelessness. She was the one who must have been responsible for the shouts.

"Misaki-kun, please! Please get off the ledge!" she begged.

His gaze still hadn't left mine.

I love you he mouthed.

And stepped off the ledge.