Snund
WC: 6,964
Warnings: Some NSFW moments (like one and it’s a paragraph) and language but mainly plot driven.
A/N: Okay so this is mostly a sadfic, not very happy at all so no fluff alert. Also It’s kind of a story in reverse, starting at on point and going backwards to the beginning. This is all for now, I could continue this and make a happier continuation, (as in go back further) but I’m not sure yet.
*Note page line breaks mean the beginning of a new section and / is just a time break. Though it should be obvious.
Enjoy
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His hands shook as he held the piece of paper before him. The very air in his lungs evaporating as everything took hold. His world crumbling and collapsing into chaos.
This wasn’t right. How-How could he do this, after everything, how could he fucking do this? Tears dropped to the page before him, his body nearly convulsing with the weight of his past sitting on his shoulders. Why now, why those words?
The voice of a figure he barely paid attention to rang out in the room, “I’ll give you a few moments to yourself.” Scott heard the footsteps and brush of robes hitting against the cabinets and chair. The man that had been behind the desk in front of him was gone and he was alone.
Grief couldn't even begin to cover the things he was feeling. He was overwhelmed, he had thought he was past this, was past Snake, was past the grief. Then again, maybe one never really gets over someone after what they had been through, maybe you just live trying to forget. Trying to move on. Maybe, he just hadn't been expecting this at all.
“Fucking Bastard,” he said in a breath that didn't sound like him anymore. His voice cracked and he could hear the pain in his own voice. He was scared, and moving on no longer seemed like a viable option. He never even dreamed he would be here, he… was this really that important to him? Was I such a part of his life that he had to do this from beyond the grave? I thought… I wasn’t, did he really regret his choice?
A new wave of emotions hit as he realized he would never hear that voice again, that his body was forever entombed within the earth, that somebody that had been--had meant so much just--just didn’t exist anymore. That Scott was here in this room and Snake no longer held air in his lungs and was put in the ground like nothing more than a beloved pet. He was worth so much more than that, he wasn’t perfect but this wasn’t enough, and none of it seemed right. God, just as he thought he’d taken everything in, expelled enough tears, he'd get hit with another wave.
He collapsed into himself no longer able to handle the thoughts that assailed him. The paper that had been sealed in nothing but a plain envelope, was clutched to his chest like a lifeline. He rocked back and forth on the seat, knees hugged to his chest as he just tried to breath and not to think, anything not to think. He had no right to do this, and yet he had, and Scott was at a loss. Thoughts of ‘would of,’ ‘could of,’ ‘should of,’ assailed him, and the guilt ate him alive.
How could he still affect him like this, how could he know how much this meant--would mean, when the fuck did he do this? He must have planned this out, and that hurt so much more. How stupid they had both been, how fucking trivial it all seemed that he was no longer here and this scrap of paper was all he had left. A few words on a piece of paper and they were able to strike him with such searing pain.
