Born to die

2

It's been nights and days, and I don't feel the same.

Lately I've tried to tell myself that it will get better. Even though it might not feel like that right now. This is the lowest place I've been, from here it can only go up. I try my best to be positive, that's the only think I can do.

Be gentle with me, have patience with me.
Yesterday I decided to get dressed. Not formal or anything, just something I could be wearing at the shop. Firstly I took a long shower. Then I put on light jeans and a black sweatshirt with the arctic monkeys logo on, I love that band. I look in the mirror. God, I hate the way I look. I brush out my dark brown hair. I used to have very long hair, it was so long that people would stop me on the street to ask if it was real. I recently cut it. I didn't think, just did it. Now it's not even long enough to put it in a low ponytail. I don't know if I like it or not. I wish I could go outside, unfortunately anxiety is winning over me. I take a look at the watch on my wrist, 1:35 am. Everyone who's living a normal life is probably sleeping. I woke up at 5 pm, so I'm not tired at all.

Earlier my hobbies were playing guitar and drawing. I used to think that one day my drawings would be sold for millions of dollars. I wanted to give all of the money to my family. I still have the guitar my parents gave me to my 8th birthday, they used four months to save enough money. That is the best birthday gift I've ever gotten.

Just when I'm about to turn the lights off, I hear knocking on the door. My heart starts beating like crazy. Why would anyone like to talk with me? I'm breathing out, trying to calm myself. I open the door. I get shocked when I see who's standing there.

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep posting, like fr I'm horrible at this