The Crookback of New Orleans

I'm But A Monster

"I just don't understand what I'm to do. How do I become the man that Father Apep is, the man he wants me to be." Claude murmured to the walls of the St. Louis Cathedral. He often spoke to the paintings and the stained glass, imagining that they would speak back. Claude just needed a friend. He hung his head in shame; it was a sin to wish for what you could never have. He knew that his hope to find a friend was selfish because he'd only drag them into the prison he was contained to.

Claude continued to clean the bell, stroking her shape affectionately. Soon the bell would ring, just as the bride for the day walked down the aisle. It wasn't an uncommon thing for a wedding to occur in his home of a cathedral, just like it wasn't uncommon for them to come down the aisle during the ringing of the bell. Claude thought it was romantic and often fanatisized that he would one day watch his wife walk towards him while the bell rang. It was a silly dream; no one would marry a worthless monster like himself.

The bell ringer peered down as the people filed into the church, clad in elegant dresses and suits. Claude felt like he was watching a scene from the Renaissance. The dresses weren't gowns per se, but they were beautiful and extravagant. His eyes examined each and every person in the audience, watching them mingle and interact with one another. It was a chilly day in February, the guests arriving in attire fit for the weather. It only made the event seem more sophisticated. Claude drifted away from his trance when he heard the opening cords of the wedding march begin to play. It was his cue to begin to ring the bell. He limped toward the great Madame- as the bell was referred to- and pulled her string. She sang loudly, her notes peeling through the cathedral. He yanked down again, and then once more. His job was done and he scurried back to watch the ceremony.

The bride floated down the aisle, her hair twisted into a knot on her head. Her dress was revealing and Claude shook his head. He didn't understand why the girl showed so much of her body when she was supposed to be there to make a commitment to one man. Wasn't that what Father Apep described to him as sin? She met her groom at the altar and they joined hands. Claude observed the bridal party and frowned. There was one girl with dark hair standing closest to the bride. She didn't look happy, instead her eyes were cast down, shoulders shaking, and he couldn't help noticing the tears rolling down her cheeks. The tears, he thought, they aren't tears of joy. Claude knew by the way she stole looks at the groom. He couldn't understand the lady's expression. Why did she look like she was mourning at a wedding? The bride declared a strong 'I do' and cheers erupted through the church. But not from the woeful bridesmaid. She clapped lamely and hugged the bride. During their embrace, the bride whispered into the brunette's ear and she straightened up, placing a fake smile on her face.

The celebration continued and the girl seemed to distance herself from the happy crowd. Claude watched her with a curious eye, trying to keep up with her as she travelled the church. She fell to the feet of Maria and began to cry. To Claude, she resembled an angel, her dress spread underneath her in soft pink pools and she bowed besides Maria, almost as if she was a part of the statue. Claude's heart ached for the strange girl and he made his way closer, sticking to the shadows, so he wasn't seen.

"I love him!" The strange girl exclaimed and Claude gasped. The girl's head shot up and she choked out. "H-hello, is someone here?" She was still crying, but Claude could see that she was trying to regain her composure. He debated responding, deciding against it, unless she asked again. If she calls out again, I will show myself, Claude declared internally.

"I don't know what to do anymore! I-I still want to be with him, but I don't want my sister to hate me, please, God, send me a sign!" She begged and he could take her tears no longer. He approached the girl with hesitation, praying that she wouldn't turn him away.

"E-excuse me, ma'am?" The girl's eyes shot up to meet his and she didn't cringe as she took in his site. "Who are you? You weren't at the ceremony." The girl spoke and Claude nodded.
"My name is Claude. I'm the bell ringer here at the cathedral. I live here with Father Apep. I just watched the wedding from my room. May I ask what is troubling you?" This is good, Claude thought! I am doing just as Father would, helping others get through their pain.

"I'm Amber, sister of the bride."
"It's nice to meet you, Amber, sister of the bride." She gave him a small, watery smile and he lowered himself to the ground a few feet away from her.
"My sister, Nicole, she just married my ex-fiancé." Claude's eyebrows furrowed. Was that truly how the real world worked? Sisters stealing from one another?
"Yeah, we were engaged and were three weeks away from our wedding when Marcus- my ex fiancé – came to me and admitted that he had been seeing my sister romantically for the past eight months and that they had eloped. Nicole came to me and asked if she could take my place as the bride in the wedding. I was speechless, so she took over the wedding and gave me her maid of honor gown and took my wedding dress. And now, well, here we are." More tears streamed down her face and Claude was rendered speechless.

His view of the world that he was shut out from was that it was a dark place, yes, but this was mindboggling. How someone could hurt people they claimed to love with so little regard baffled him. He was glad, in that moment, that Father Apep protected him from that pain and taught him right from wrong. He would thank him for that when he arrived home.

"I still love him. He looks at her like he used to look at me and I just want to know what I can do to get him back."
"Maybe, Amber, you're better off without him. He used you and pretended to love you. He was someone who caused you intentional pain."
"I don't mean any offence to you, Claude, but what do you know? You don't know me, you don't know anything outside of these stone walls, or so it appears. So what do you know of heart ache? What do you know of pain?"
"I know that it is human nature to cause everyone pain, but to go behind someone and lie and sneak. It is like going out of your way to make someone feel hurt. Father Apep saves me from that pain because he doesn't allow me to leave here. It is a reprieve that not many people get the choice of having."
"Doesn't allow you to leave? Are you a hostage here? Because, Claude, it looks like you are plenty old enough to care for yourself. So, what are you doing here? You only see the ugly of human life because of this Father Apep you speak so fondly of. But that isn't what life is always like. There are ups and there are downs. To be cooped up in this tower for your entire life is a waste." Claude laughed bitterly. He motioned to himself with one hand and then at Amber.

"Do you see me, Amber? I'm nothing but a monster. You're beautiful and you were still hurt. What do you think they'd do to someone like me? I'd be the laughing stock of everyone in New Orleans. I may be naïve, but I'm not ignorant."
"Did you ever think that maybe you're the only one who sees yourself that way? Maybe Father Apep is the one lying to you. You aren't just a body. There's a soul inside of you and there are some people who don't just care about what's on the outside." Amber laid a hand on Claude's cheek and he felt a blush in his cheeks.

He'd never been touched by anyone other than Father Apep and he'd never been shown affection. He leaned closer and reciprocated the movement. Her cheek was soft and damp from tears beneath his palm. His breath hitched; she didn't shy away from the touch of a monster. They stayed like that for minutes until an all familiar voice sounded through the halls.

"Claude!" Father Apep had arrived home early and spotted Amber and Claude's warm touches. Claude had committed the ultimate sin in Father Apep's eyes: entertaining the presence of a woman.

A/N

Amber's Maid of Honor gown...stunning...