Short Stories

Loud

I just want to enjoy the world like everyone else. I want to be able to go to the store alone, go to parties, watch the fireworks, go out to dinner, and just live a life without fear. Some days I just need to keep on moving. No matter how broken I may be I must keep living my life, I must push forward, I must go beyond my limitations. I can't let the past hold me down. I can't stay chained down. I need to move on.

I was with a group of friends. I knew it would be crowded. I knew it would be noisy. I went anyway. We all went in together. We had the whole back section of the restaurant rented out to us. I wanted to sit in the end seat near the very end of the table. Instead, I had to sit in the middle. The very middle. There was a person on both sides of me. I couldn't back my seat up because the tables were so close together. I was trapped. At first, I chatted with my friends and twirled my thumbs. After about 30 minutes my nervous tick started up. I crossed my legs and started to bounce my foot over my knee. It didn't help me. I started to hum to try to calm myself down....nothing. I started to shake. I looked around, moved in my seat, closed my eyes, I did everything I could to keep myself composed but in the end, I lost the battle. My thoughts grew louder and louder and louder until they were screaming at me. The tables felt like they were slowly shutting in on me bit by bit. It felt as if there was a cinder block resting on my chest. My brain was being showered by boulders and my body felt as if the whole world was shaking. I couldn't take it. It was too loud, it was too crowded, it was too much. I felt the warm streams escaping my eyes as I covered my ears, shut my eyes, and bowed my head. I just kept saying "It's too loud, It's too loud, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, please let me go, let me go, I can't take it, I can't take it!" Over and over and over again as my breathing got heavy and my thoughts were racing. I had to get out of there. My world started to crumble around me. I couldn't see.

I stood up and pushed my way through to the bathroom, I paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until the trembling caused my knees to give. I sunk down against the wall and brought my knees to my chest in a desperate attempt to feel safe. To escape but my efforts were to no avail. The screaming wouldn't stop. They just kept getting louder and louder as breathing got harder and harder. I gasp for air and clung to the small bit of sanity I had left. I reached out, cried out for anyone, anything to help me. I was scared. I couldn't stop trembling, I couldn't make the screams go away, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. I was drowning. I felt myself slowing sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean I call my mind. I was suffocating in my own emotions. I was losing myself. Until they pulled me out. They called out to me and pulled me out of the water. They brought me to my feet and held onto me. I cried out and they answered. Finally, I could breathe.

I went back to my seat but the screaming continued then, suddenly they just....stopped. The screams were replaced by a simple beat. Music started to play and everything came back into view. It drowned out the very thing that was drowning me. I was finally at peace and it was at that moment I realized. The war is over. I'm safe now.