In the Ceaseless Snow

🌸Chapter 14🌸

Sasuke doesn't remember how he got there. He doesn't remember how or when he got into his car and started driving. He doesn't remember almost crashing his car while rushing through the traffic. He doesn't remember how he almost crushed his phone in his bare hands.

What he does remember is the ringing of his phone, how Hinata's usually quiet voice was rising as her panic grew. He remembers yelling at Hinata to hurry up and say it already. He remembers how his heart right about died when Hinata finally stuttered out that Sakura fainted and was in the hospital.

He felt like he wanted to faint, too.

The hospital was the same as ever. He walked passed by the same white walls and went into the same elevator as always and walked the same path he always takes when he visits Itachi in room 29, except this time he didn't go into Itachi's room, no, he went to Sakura in room 28.

Sasuke couldn't say with any certainty that she looked the same. She was paler than he's ever seen her before, to the point where she almost blended in with the white sheets of her hospital bed, her normally vibrant pink hair was limply spread out across her pillow.

"Sasuke," someone said. At that moment, he could barely process his name being called, could barely even recognize the voice. Was there someone else in the room with him?

"Sasuke." It's the same voice. It's strangely familiar but who?

"Sasuke."

Oh, it's Itachi.

When Itachi got up and clapped him on the shoulder, Sasuke didn't notice. He just knew that one minute, he's semi-looking at his older brother from across the room and the next, he's standing right next to him.

"Sasuke." He murmured, "things aren't looking good for her."

He was frozen still. He couldn't see anything but her, lying on her hospital bed, unconscious.

Is she going to die? He thought to himself. No, no, she can't. She can't.

"Sasuke," his brother's voice was lost to him along with everything around him. It's just him and Sakura. Him and unconscious Sakura. "She's—"

"No," he choked out. "No."

"Sasuke," Itachi gently moved him to sit down.

"No," Sasuke repeated. "No. She's going to be just fine. You'll see. She'll wake up stronger than ever. She's not going to die."

"Sasuke—"

"No!" He yelled and dammit why can't he see, why are his eyes so effing blurry? "No! She's gonna be fine! She's gonna pull through!"

"Sasuke, she's lost almost twenty pounds in the past week."

He couldn't hear Itachi. He didn't want to hear Itachi.

It hurt. It hurt so goddamn much. His chest, his eyes, his heart, his everything. Why does everything hurt so much?

"No," he cried. "No! She's fine, Itachi, so just shut the hell up!"

"Stop throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old and listen to me for two damn seconds!"

Sasuke brought his hands up to cover his head, to cover his eyes, to drown out his brother. He didn't want to hear his brother's voice, he didn't want to hear his brother's lies.

Lies. Lies. Lies. That's all it was. Just a bunch of lies, because she's going to be fine. She's going to be fine—

"Sasuke," Itachi went back to whispering again. "Listen to me."

But Sasuke didn't want to. He didn't want her to leave him.

Sasuke felt his lashes getting wetter and wetter every time he blinks. He felt something tickling the edges of his eyes as he struggled to block out Itachi's voice.

"The doctors say she only has, at most, about a month left."

It can't be true, it can't. It can't.

His brother placed a hand onto his shoulder. "A month, Sasuke."

A month.

That's about 4 and a half weeks or 31 days or 744 hours or 44,640 minutes or—

"Sasuke." why is Itachi still here? "It's going to be alright."

It's not. Sasuke knew. Sasuke knew it wasn't going to be alright. Nothing is alright.

It's torture, it's chaos, it's agony.

And Sasuke thought to himself why, why her?

Why the girl he loves? The one he treasures, the one he fell in love with.

Because what the hell did Sakura do to deserve this?

"Sasuke," Itachi started.

It's then that Sasuke cracked. He didn't have to listen to his older brother. He didn't have to sit down and hear his brother talk this way about Sakura.

Because Sakura will get better and she will be stronger and healthier and alive.

Slowly, Sasuke got up on his feet. He took a deep breath and walked out of the room, leaving behind the hospital that was as white as the snow falling outside, and didn't look back, not when Itachi called after him. Not when Itachi grabbed at his shoulder, no, he just pushed through and kept walking.

He didn't even mutter goodbye to his brother as he left the unconscious girl lying on the hospital bed.

Sasuke slid into the front seat of his car and drove, his mind blank, devoid of thoughts, and his chest empty.

He leaned his head against the seat, shoved his keys into the vehicle, and promptly left the hospital, left his brother, left his Sakura.

His driving could be compared to that of a madman. He couldn't focus, he couldn't see, his eyes were too blurry and no matter how hard he wiped with the back of his hand, the world just kept getting blurrier and blurrier. He couldn't hear, everything was lost to him. His turns became sharper as he drove and sped up even faster to beat the yellow traffic lights. He didn't care about how his car slid in the snow when he slowed down his car, and he didn't realize how lucky he'd been that he didn't get into an accident. 

Sasuke's already-pale knuckles were bone white against the black steering wheel. He had no clear idea of where he was going.

When Sasuke stopped his car, he found himself in an all-too-familiar place.

It's the bar.

The bar where he had almost been hit by a truck, it's the bar right on the street where Sakura had saved him.

The girl he loves. The girl he treasures. The girl— 

Sasuke hastily parked his car and pressed his forehead into the steering wheel, his fingers never leaving the death grip on the wheel, as if it were his anchor, his lifeline.

As Sasuke took deep steadying breaths he looked up into the window of the bar. The soft lights looked so tempting, so comforting, so inviting and the snow gently falling only added to the image.

Sasuke pulled himself together, wiped the tears away from his eyes, and took another deep steadying breath.

From the inside of his car, he kept staring at the bar, the soft glow of its lights seemed like an invitation and the more he thought about it, the more he realized he really wanted a glass of whiskey or maybe a Sazerac, he hadn't had one of those in a long time.  

~~~ 

Written by arahabaki