Love In Odd Places (Steve Rogers x Loki) (BoyxBoy)

I Let Him Go

  The fallen prince was asleep, curled up against the chest of the blond super soldier. Steve laid there, with an arm around Loki, stroking the god's hair. Loki had his head resting on his chest and was taking slow deep breaths, his body relaxed and his mind at ease for now.
  The blond laid there, looking up at the rocky ceiling and sighed. A part of him feels content here, lying in bed with Loki in a small cave that had become the god's haven for a little while. Yet, another part of him felt like this was only going to be an end. Steve never meant for them to sleep together before talking, but that's what happened. Now, he wasn't sure that they would be able to talk. He wasn't sure if this would only lead them to ignoring the problem and pretending it never happened which would only put more strain on their relationship then there already is.
  He kissed the top of the god's head before slowly extracting himself from Loki's hold and standing up. The god muttered in his sleep before grabbing the pillow that Steve had been using and snuggling up to it. It was probably the cutest thing he had ever seen and he couldn't help but have the urge to draw it, to capture it so he could keep the image frozen in time forever. He got dressed and stepped outside of the cave so he could tell the other's what happened-excluding the sex.
  "Hey, guys, I found him."
  Tony's voice came over the com, "We kind of figured you did when we hadn't heard from you. Must have been too busy having sex. Where are you and we'll come get you."
  Steve blushed and was glad that they couldn't see his face as he looked back into the cave. "In a cave up the mountain. Don't worry about coming to get me, we'll find our way back."
  He could hear Tony laughing on the other side of the com while Bruce was the one to reply. "We'll be in town when you're ready, just let us know."
  Steve agreed and turned off the com before heading back inside. Loki was sitting up in bed, the sheets wrapped around his waist, his pale muscular chest completely exposed. His hair was a bit messy, but it looked sexy on him as he watched the captain with his piercing green eyes.
  "I thought you might have left," he said as he ran a hand through his hair.
  Steve shook his head and went over to sit down on the bed. "I'll never leave you, Loki."
  Loki looked away, his hands gripping at the blanket making his knuckles turn white. "Don't make promises you cannot keep, Captain."
  Steve groaned and grabbed one of the god's hands, unclenching it from the blanket so he could entwin their fingers together. "I will keep this promise, Kitten. Any promises I make to you, I make because I know I can keep them. I know I screwed up big time yesterday, but let me make it up to you, let me show you how much you actually mean to me. I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose, Loki. Sometimes, though, you just have to remember that I am human, I will make mistakes, just like you will. Just because I say something that upsets you, doesn't mean that you should run away. You need to tell me so we can sit down and talk it through. I know this is scary, I know it's confusing, believe me I know." He took a breath and watched Loki as he spoke. "We are so different, you and I, but I know that we can be great together we just have to work together."
  Loki, whose hand was limp in the captain's hand throughout his speech, gently squeezed Steve's hand. The god open and closed his mouth for a moment seeming to be, for once, lost for words. It took a moment for him to collect his thoughts. "How are we going to manage this, Steve? How are we going to be able to be together when we both make mistakes?"
  Steve smiled, almost as if he had been expecting this question. "We trust each other. We work together. We talk to each other. Communication is essential in a relationship, Loki. To make this work, we need to talk to each other and understand that mistakes will be made. We just can't run and hide and pretend we aren't hurt. I can't promise that I won't make any more mistakes or say the wrong thing, but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to be what you deserve. God knows you deserve better than me, but I want to be with you, Loki. I love you."
  The god's eyes were shinning as if they were filling with tears, but if they were, none were being shed. For a moment, Steve was almost worried that he had said the wrong thing, but then Loki smiled. He brought Steve's knuckles to his lips and gave them a gentle kiss. "It is not I who deserves better, Love, it is you. I am a difficult man to be with. I don't trust very easily, and I always tend to run from things when they come too close to breaking my heart. Political stuff, princely stuff, those I'm good at. But things that concern the heart," he sighed and looked down. "It has been too long since I have given my heart to anyone. It has been too long since I have let myself feel anything for another person, knowing that in the end it will all be taken from me. The thought of giving my heart away, of letting someone else in and seeing the worst of me, terrifies me."
  Steve nodded, "It terrifies me as well, Kitten. I've never been in a relationship with someone before and so I don't know how to do it. It's going to be something we both learn how to do together. If this is something we both want, we need to fight for it. Together."
  Slowly, Loki pulled his hand away from the captain before going to stand up. The sheets fell away from his body as he stood, exposing his naked form unashamedly. He grabbed a pair of pants and threw them on before turning to look at his lover. "I want it, you I want this, I want us. However, I do not think it would work out. As you have said, we are different, maybe too different. In the end I think there would just be too much heartache."
  Steve frowned and stood up, taking Loki's hands in his. "But if we both want it, why can't we make this work? You know we can make this work."
  Loki shook his head, a strand of his hair falling into his face which he impatiently pushed back behind his ear. "I'm not sure that we can, Steve. All we do is just keep fighting, keep misunderstanding, keep running away. How can we make it work when we don't know how to even begin to make this work?"
  "We work together. We both have to learn how to do this, Loki. It's not just you. We can make this work, it'll just take time and a lot of effort and communication but I know we can do it. I love you, Loki. You are who I want to be with, and I will fight for you."
  Green eyes closed behind pale eyelids as the god took a deep breath in before whispering, "I can't."
  Fear of losing Loki for good crept through Steve's whole being and he bit his lip. How could he get the god to understand how he felt? How could he get him to understand that they could make this work if they just both tried?
  They could do it. He knew they could do it. Loki just had to understand.
  "Tell me," Steve said, his voice cracking with emotion. "Tell me this is what you want."
  Loki opened his eyes and looked at the captain with confusion clear in his green eyes. "What do you mean?"
  Steve took a deep breath. "Tell me you want to end it. Tell me that not being with me is what you absolutely want. Tell me that not trying is what you want. Tell me that even though you want to be with me, you know deep down in your heart that us not trying to make this work is going to be better than putting us through all the pain. Tell me you want this. If this is what you want, Loki, what you truly want I'll let you go. I'll let you go."
  Loki looked away from the captain and bit his lower lip before whispering, "It's what I want."
  It felt like Steve's heart was breaking at Loki's words. The god took a step back from him and turned away, his hands in fists. Steve took a step forward, reaching out to the god, not wanting to have distance between them. Tension was clear in the god's posture, his shoulders and back tense as he pulled away from the soldier. "Please," he whispered, "just go."
  Steve lowered his hand and watched Loki. His heart was racing, and his chest was tightening. He was losing him.
  No, he had lost him.
  And maybe he lost him long ago.
  Steve took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright, I'll go. But if you change your mind-"
  "I won't," the god whispered, interrupting Steve who carried on as if the god had never spoke.
  "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."
  Loki nodded, but didn't say another word or even turn to watch the captain as he turned around and left the cave.

"What do you mean, you let him go!" Tony exclaimed when Steve told him what had happened. Partly.
  When Steve found the guys after leaving the cave and Loki behind, he gave them an edited version of what had happened. He told them that they got into a fight and decided to go their own ways, with Steve walking away from the god for good. Neither Thor or Tony believed him, but he wasn't sure if Bruce believed him either.
  "Exactly what I said. I let him go."
  "Why," Tony asked, exasperation clear in his voice, "would you do that?"
  "Because it was the right thing to do. For both of us."
  Tony huffed in annoyance and turned to look at Thor and Bruce, "Do you hear that? It wouldn't be the right thing to keep the murderous god under constant surveillance."
  "What did you expect me to do Tony? Bound and gag him?" Steve snapped.
  The billionaire looked at the captain and nods. "Well, if you're into that kind of thing, then yes."
  "Tony, I think you might be being a bit insensitive to the situation," Bruce said, trying to keep the conversation from getting heated. "It doesn't matter why Steve didn't drag him back here."
  "What do you mean it doesn't matter? What are we supposed to do; leave a mad god to his own devices? What if he decides to try and take over the world again?"
  "He won't do that," Steve cut in, very sure of the fact that Loki wouldn't do it.
  Tony rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "And how are we to know that?"
  "Because I know he won't."
  "Oh," Tony scoffed, "you know he won't. Sorry if that doesn't bring me comfort, Cap."
  "I don't know what more you want from me, Tony. I made a judgement call-"
  "Your judgement in clouded!" Tony cut in.
  Steve stood there and looked at his teammate. Maybe he was right. Maybe his judgement was clouded. He looked at Bruce and Thor and asked, "What about you guys? Do you think my judgement in clouded?"
  Bruce looked at Tony before turning back to the captain and shrugging. "I think that you might be too close to the situation to make a clear call. However, I also know that this wasn't an easy decision for you to make."
  Steve nodded, "It wasn't."
  "I believe you made a call on love, but I do not think that makes your judgement clouded," Thor said.
  Tony threw his hands up in aggravation. "Are you guys serious?"
  Bruce turned on his best friend and crossed his arms over his chest. "And what if it was the other way around, but instead of it being Loki it was Pepper? Would you be able to make that call, Tony? Would you be able to drag her back when clearly she didn't want to?"
  Tony looked shocked at his best friend for a moment before shaking his head. "I'd never have to make that decision."
  "It would be too difficult of a decision for you to make, wouldn't it?"
  Tony looked away and shrugged. "It doesn't matter-"
  "Yes, it does. If you can't make that decision how do you think Steve feels?"
  The billionaire glanced at the captain and shrugged before turning away. "Whatever. What's done is done. I'll keep surveillance on Reindeer Games to make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Let's get home."