"My dearest Loki." A voice called out behind me as I stood in the middle of the room still looking out towards where the captain had gone. I didn't turn to look at the intruder. I knew exactly who is was.
"How'd you know where to find me?"
"I always know where to find you."
I still didn't turn, but I did glance behind me to look at her. Her hands were clasped in front of her, and her eyes were gentle as she watched me. Even standing in a cave, she still looked regal, ever the queen, ever my mother.
"Heimdall told you."
Mother nodded. "He did."
"So, why are you here?"
She smiled gently and walked towards me until she stood beside me. "I am here because my son needed me."
"And where did you ever get such the thought that I needed you?"
Her smile was still gentle and kind as she replied, "Because I know you, Loki. Heimdall told me of the argument between you and Steve and how Steve left without you. Knowing my son, I knew you needed me whether you knew it yourself or not."
I sighed and went over to collapse on my makeshift bed, closing my eyes, embracing the darkness behind my eyelids. "I do not need help."
I heard her walking over and felt the bed dip down as she sat on the edge. "Tell me what happened, my son."
I shook my head. "There is nothing to tell. We got into a...disagreement and he left."
"He left or did you tell him to leave?"
"Does it matter?" I asked, opening my eyes and looking at my mother. "Either way, he left. He made his choice and I am okay with that."
"Loki," she said as she reached for my hand, taking it into her gentle, motherly grasp, "there is a difference between him choosing to leave and you telling him to. Which was it?"
I looked away from her and sat up, running my hand through my hair. "I told him to leave, but so what? He didn't have to?"
"Loki," she admonished me, "if you told the captain to leave, then he left out of respect for you. He loves you enough to let you go, believing you would be happier. Instead, you are head self-destructing."
"You wouldn't understand, Mother."
"Oh, but I would. Do not forget that I have raised you since you were a baby. I know you let fear control you."
"I do not!" I exclaimed.
Mother smiled and put a hand to my cheek. "But you do, Loki. Fear, pride, anger, and the wish to be loved by your father is what drives you to make drastic decisions. You do not think clearly when those emotions are influencing you."
I pulled away from her as if her touch burned me and snapped, "I do not make drastic decisions. Everything I do, I do because it is what needs to be done."
"So you needed to push Steve away? Why? What purpose would that serve?"
"He deserves better than a disgraced prince and worthless god. He deserves someone who can make him truly happy, not someone who has death and destruction following in his footsteps. I simply cannot make him happy and I will not hold him to me simply because I feel like being selfish."
"You are more than what you think yourself to be, Loki. You deserve happiness and love just as much as everyone else. Besides that, did you ever ask for Steve's opinion? Did you ask him what he wanted? Or did you simply tell him it wouldn't work and to leave."
I shrugged, "I may have neglected to ask him."
"So, in a sense, you told him to leave because you did not wish to be selfish but you neglected to ask him what he wanted and instead focused on what you wanted which means you were still being selfish. Does that make sense to you?"
I sat there staring at her as I took in her words. I didn't want to tie Steve to me in fear that it would be for nothing but selfish reasons. However, I never listened to what he wanted. I wanted so much for him to be happy and thought I could never bring him that happiness he so rightly deserved, that I pushed him away.
At the same time, however, chaos, destruction, death, and heartbreak followed me around like an unwanted friend. It had sank its claws into me like a parasite that I could not get rid of no matter how hard I tried. It tore at my heart until I had built iron walls around it to protect myself, keeping everyone at a distance so as not to inflict my curse upon them. I was cursed, I was broken.
How could anyone love me and remain happy? How could they survive this thing that haunted me? Surely the best thing I could have ever done for the captain was to let him go.
But at what risk to both my heart and his? Did I do more harm than good in pushing him away? In shutting him out?
Thoughts swirled through my mind, racing, moving so fast I could hardly keep up which only served to frustrate me even more. I couldn't grasp onto these thoughts long enough to be able to see them clearly, to understand what I needed to do. They taunted me, staying just out of reach so that no matter how hard I tried to concentrate they wouldn't become clear.
I dropped my face into my hands and groaned. My head was starting to hurt.
"How do I fix this, Mother?" I asked as tears pricked at my eyes but I refused to let any of them fall.
"You go to him and ask him what he wants. You listen to him and you both decide where you go from here. A relationship isn't a one way street, Loki. You both need to work together to make it work, and as long as one is fighting against the other it will not work. Follow your heart, Loki, for it will never lead you astray."
I looked up at her and nodded, dropping my hands into my lap. "You are right."
"Of course I am. I'm your mother." She stood and smiled at me, holding her hand out to me to help me to my feet. I took her hand and stood up, wrapping my arms around her in a hug. She kissed my cheek before pulling away from me. "Go to him, Loki, and should you need me just call Heimdall and he will inform me of it. Now, I must go. Take cake of yourself, my son."
And with that she disappeared into Yggdrasil heading back to Asgard.
I took a deep breath before opening my own passage to Yggdrasil and sending the doorway to Steve's apartment where I would wait for him to return.It was a few hours later and I awoke to the key in the lock turning. I sat up on the couch and pushed my hair back from my face, trying to make myself appear acceptable. I didn't know how to captain would react to seeing me here, but I hoped he wouldn't be mad.
The door opened and Steve walked in, not seeing me as the room was dark. When he flicked on the light and saw me he jumped back startled.
"Geez, Loki, you didn't need to scare me."
I shrugged and stood up looking at the blond man. He looked exhausted, worn down, like he hadn't slept in weeks. It had only been a few hours since I've seen him, yet it was like he had aged ten years in a day.
"I apologize for startling you, Captain. That was not my intention."
He nodded and finally closed the door and kicking off his shoes. "Come to take the rest of your things, I assume."
I rolled my eyes. "As if I would stay here in the dark waiting for you to come home just to take my things. No, I would have done that long before you returned."
"So," he said, "why are you here then?"
"I wished to apologize, Captain. I was...wrong." It felt like I choked on my words, admitting to this man that I, Loki of Asgard, God of Mischief, made a mistake. I have never admitted to a mistake, though it was even rarer that I made mistakes. I was supposed to be smart, cunning, three steps ahead of everyone else. Yet, here I was telling a mortal that I was wrong. The words along stung to say, but to admit it to myself pierced even harder.
"What did you just say?" The captain asked as if he had not heard me.
I groaned and rubbed a hand across my face. "Do not make me repeat myself, Captain. It was hard enough to say it the first time. If I must say it again I might just end myself."
He came towards me and paused when he stood next to the couch but didn't come any closer. "What were you wrong about?"
"I was-" I cut myself off and sighed. "I should not have assumed what you felt about us. I should have listened to what you wanted. I pushed you away thinking it was selfish of me to keep you close when I couldn't bring you the happiness you so rightly deserve. Yet I find that by not taking your wants and desires into consideration I was still being selfish. I wouldn't listen to you because I was trying to protect myself, yet disguising it as me trying to protect you. I know now I was wrong, and I'm sorry."
Arms wrapped around me, embracing me in a strong comforting warmth. The captain kissed the top of my head and whispered, "It's okay. We'll figure it all out. Together this time. I promise."
I wrapped my arms around him and held him. In his arms, I knew everything would be alright. As long as I was with him, I knew we'd make it work. We just needed to work together.
And finally I was ready to try.
YOU ARE READING
Love In Odd Places (Steve Rogers x Loki) (BoyxBoy)
FanfictionWhat if Loki wasn't locked in the dungeons after the Battle of New York? What if instead of he was banished to Midgard? And what if Steve Rogers decides to take the task of helping the God of Mischief get used to living on Midgard? Living together...