pumpkin spice | l.s

without

"meet me at the coffee shop, 3pm, please lou. i have a lot to explain, and i need to say it all to your face."
read 7:04am
"I'll be there"
sent 7:05am

-
i walked in and saw his pretty face, he was hunched over a table fumbling with a paper in his hands.
"haz," i started,
he looked almost surprised, as if he didn't think I would show. he should know me better.
"louis, can we talk? i have a lot to say and i need to say it and i just want to say it all to your face, i- please just list-"

"I'm listening, haz. slow down. deep breath for me, yeah?"

he took in a shaky breath, "there you go, love"
he winced at the nickname.

"lou, i missed you. also i got you a latte, old times sake?"
"pumpkin spice?" i grinned
he nodded his head, "just like the first time."

he put the paper down and started to read over it carefully, as if looking for mistakes.

"I'm sorry," he started, "i know i didn't call or pick up or text back and i know i left you alone with no explanation and i am so fucking sorry lou you don't even know i wanna take it all back but i just couldn't and it's not something i can take back but I couldn't deal with us not talking i need you so fucking bad."

i was silent, it was all of what i wanted to hear yet i had no response.

"i guess i should start with why," he said, "my parents came back."

i winced, i knew they were a touchy subject.

"they wanted to move in with me, something happened to their house, i don't even know they wouldn't explain it to me but they wanted to stay with me and wouldn't take no for an answer and you left your clothes at my house one night, so i was going to go give it to you. but they kept asking me about where i was going and no matter how many times i said i was just going to drop off something to a friend, they didn't take it."

I nodded, "continue"

"they're really homophobic. i didn't mention it to you before because i wanted to be the only one who hated them. I felt like it was fair that way because I'm their kid. but they wouldn't give it up, they called me a bunch of fucking names lou, and it hurts and they said so many things i just- fuck." he started to ball his fists.

"deep breathes, my love. keep going. I'm right here."

"i tried to kill myself."

I was silent.

"they just wouldn't fucking shut up they come live in my house uninvited and won't shut the fuck up about who i wanna be with. I told them about you. in a fit of rage or whatever, told them you were the best fucking thing in my life and you were what felt like family to me and they lost it. that's the night i ended up in the hospital. I didn't wanna drag you into my problems so I just left. I thought you were better off without me in your life. I thought everyone was. I'm so fucking sorry lou, they left and i called you right after. I missed you so much you have no idea."

his eyes looked beautiful as always, even with the welled up tears. I took his called fist into my hand and rubbed his skin with my thumb. "it's okay, haz," I took in a breath, "I'm just glad you're back."

he smiled, tears rolling down his cheeks. "you are my family, and that's all i need." he said.

"just please don't leave me again."

"promise."

"pinky?"

"pinky promise?"

whether i forgave him to easily or not, fuck i was just glad to see that smile again.