Don't Go

Connor

No. Not him. What the hell is he thinking? He couldn't seriously think I'd go and just leave him here to die. My Faé…

My dearest little friend-
How can you put yourself through all this suffering,
Yet always force yourself to show me a happy disposition?
I can't image how hard it is, but only you could pull off something like that.

I watch as he tries his hardest to stand. Surprisingly, he makes it up. Faé shouldn't have done that. Quickly, I stand up next to him to make sure he doesn't fall. He's being stupid.

“Give up.”

Those things need to give up. They need to shut up. I'm not leaving unless Faé comes with me. One way or another, I'm not leaving him. Faé keeps his gaze down, probably because he doesn't want to see how upset I am in him. I wouldn't want to either. But we can deal with it when we get home. I take his hand and start leading him toward the door, slowly. The creature follows us. I shouldn't have even started writing that damn story. Then at least I wouldn't feel so guilty for how similar the plot is to what we're going through.

“One go, one stay. Give up,” it growls. I don't stop pulling Faé, even though he's trying his best to get me to let go. I won't. I don't care what that creature wants, it doesn't get to choose. Neither does Faé, because his choice isn't a good one.

At some point, I feel his struggling ease a bit, then get worse. “Faé. I swear, just stop, please! I'm not leaving you here.” We're so close to the door. He's relentless in trying to get away. Then he stops struggling again and stops walking altogether. The one time he won't listen to me is the one time I really need him to. “I'm not messing around anymore. We need to go. Come on.” I pull on his arm gently.

“No. You can't lie to yourself. We're not b-both getting out of here, no matter how close we are to escaping.”

“Give up.”

I'll give up once we're back home. I stop being gentle and pull harder on Faé's arm. He stumbles from the force but follows me, this time not trying to get away. Why can't Faé just be optimistic for once in his life? It shouldn't be this hard to convince him we'll both get out. The creature is following us. It can come too, if it wants. Back in our world, there'll be more people around to destroy it. The creature won't stand a chance.

“Give up.”

“Shut up!” I yell, dropping Faé's hand and turning to glare at the faceless monster. Faé stands there, his face pale. The cut on his face is bleeding again, but he'll be okay. The creature stops moving. Instinctively, I take his hand again and turn to start walking again. I almost have a foot out the door when Faé stops walking again.

“I'm not coming.”

“Yes, you are.” I suck in a breath, fighting myself to keep from yelling at him too.

“Connor, I'm not. You know the rules, and we're not the exception to them.”

“It's just a story, Faé. We have no proof that we can't both leave.”

He takes this opportunity to pull his hand out of mine. “We can't both go, stop lying to yourself,” he mutters and looks down. I sigh softly and go over to him, setting my fingers under his chin to lift his face up. I hold his gaze for a brief moment, then kiss him quickly. It doesn't last long.

In a matter of seconds, I pull away from him. Faé is frozen in spot, staring at me as if he knows what I'm about to do.

I wouldn't ever hurt you, my love.
But sometimes it's hard to do.
Someone always gets hurt,
And you can't always stop it from happening.

I lean closer to him and whisper softly in his ear. “I have to make sure you know just how much I love you. And I need you to finish my story. The ending is whatever you want it be… just try to find the happy ending. I know you will.”

I stare at his face for a long moment, remembering what it was before we got here. I can hardly see his freckles through the layer of dirt on his face, but I know they're there. The creature behind me grunts impatiently. I suck in a deep breath. He's still just standing there, not moving. My hands are shaking- they usually don't. Not like this.

“Give up.”

I close my eyes and pull Faé up to the door. He doesn't fight against me this time. The creatures moves up abruptly.

“One go, one stay.”

I know. I look at Faé one more time, but he's looking down. Part of me wants to rethink my decision, but I don't allow myself time. Before I know it, my hands push Faé into the unbearably bright light, and he's gone. He's going back home, just as it should be. The creature yanks me away from the door. I close my eyes and try to think of Faé ending the story a good way. He will, I know he will.

Goodbye, my dear Faélin.
Until we meet again, I won't forget you-
I'll make you that promise, and I'll keep it,
Just as you would do for me.