Six Feet Under

This story is about the part of my life that never abandoned me. Is dedicated to someone who was special to me but, not only for me.

It was the best part of my teenager life. She was the place, my best place to escape from real life. Sshe made me feel that with her my dreams will become true. With her I found more than myself, three other girls the become my family, soul and passions. But just two of us made one soul, a broken and sad soul.

Two bodies sharing the same soul. Is that even possible? A soul that tried to find it's way to love, finding someone really special and out of it's expectations. Loving was never so hard until meeting her. Loving her in a own strange way but with so much pain at the end.

This soul needed to split in two because it was too much to hold. To much love and pain in once. Bleeding out tears with hope of this love not being loved back. That was what she showed me; that love was the most powerful feeling any human being could ever feel.

Promises fell apart. Just like all the feelings. But, it was a time I'll never forget. Not because it was good or bad, just because that didn't want to let me go. Somehow I still waking up to see her, to feel her and cheer with her but isn't that time anymore. It hurts. Loving her after all but she not  caring.

Time goes nonstop and when you realize a lot has changed. A lot. But, for good or bad some of it stays permanently attached to you; like a song, like a dream like a memory, but a girl. Like a lesson of life.

I was in love with the idea of being able to make someone happy. The idea of waking up every morning and going to school just to see her was the strongest feeling I could ever had for someone at that age. I still remember her eyes, her voice, her long hair. I still remember her cute small hand holding mine. I still remember the way she desperately needed me when I was getting to school. I still remember watching her so motivated reading, writing or dancing. I still remember, fuck, I still remember how fast my heartbeat was when our silence found it's way.

Friends were everything I needed, but most wished like sisters. And they were perfect, not a big family, but a family. We shared a lot. It was our moment to shine, we got each role for real, maybe too much.

She had a hidden dark soul but with the sweetest look you can ever imagine. The most funny laugh. Cute face and shining personality,l. She had a small but a big soul. Always in his own world but having fun with others. She made us.

The next was always there for everybody, with hope and jokes. Always there. With her world falling apart, I was holding her.

Bumie, was always making sure we were good looking, happy and shining. Never letting people down. Nobody's perfect.

I was never able to let people go, to see the tears over other people situation. Always there no matter what; in my own way. I will carry the pain for everyone of us, but also I was like someone else. Like if I had just half soul and the other half was empty.

And, after years I get to know that that part of myself someone else had it. But sadly, that was the part the held the pain. We were the owners of two souls, given to us to hold love & pain for the same person. It was the only way to be strong enough to accept and tolerate all that comes with it.

This soul joined to it's other part that loved her, but in a invisible way. Wanted to be understood and loved back but, dead inside.

Completely dead.

Nobody will notice until it was too late. A soul sharing the same pain, feelings and hopes for the same person never was something to share. Nothing to feel happy for because that was pain in both sides.

We were so innocent to love how we do now, so young to accomplish our promises. But never is too late to fix it. Will hurt, I know, but will be less pain. If there's a way to take the pain and giving you the happiness I will definitely do it. Even before all this happened. Or just leaving life how it was it.

Because we loved the same girl in a different way, in a different time. And actually missing the same girl at the same time.

If I had a chance to go to my past back to her, I will go just to cut off the love was growing inside me for her. In us. And I'm sorry my old friend but what needs to be told can't be shut up.