Nadia vs the world

Worthless

*beep beep*
I'm woken up by the dreaded sound of my alarm that tells me I didn't die in my sleep and I'm still here to deal with peoples bs. I extend my left arm to turn off the alarm. I start to stare at my wrist. They looked like a crime scene with gashes going horizontal and vertical. But what does it matter I've done it before; nothing new. I sighed and got up and got ready for school. I stood up looking into my closet wondering how I was going to cover up this massacre on my arm. I decided to wear my Clark Atlanta sweatshirt, gray leggings, fuzzy socks, and my white Nikes. I put my hair into a messy bun and picked up my book bag and headed out the door. I finally arrived to the academic hell hole we call school. I always feel invisible here no one every seems to notice or care whether I come to school or not. I'll sum it up for you if you hang out with me I will kill your social career. Everyone thinks I'm a hoe because I've made a couple of bad decisions in my life. Starting with Isiah; he broke me. He was the first person I ever liked after my abusive ex. At first I started seeing him while I was still in a relationship and I just wanted to be fuck buddies. But soon after I started to fall in love with his personality and his charm, but little did I know that he had a girlfriend and was going to talk to another girl at our school. But even after I found all this out I still continued to have sex with him because it made me feel loved and needed. It gave me a sense of purpose even though he was only using me as a personal cum rag. So, yes I didn't mind the public disrespect because in private he "loved" me and made me feel important. Then there was Carter. I honestly don't remember why I fucked him. It was honestly out of pure curiosity. He was known for having a large dick and really good sex. So, we had sex and had pretty sex so we kept doing it. Eventually, I caught feelings because to me he was more than just his dick he had a wonderful personality and so much smarter than he gave himself credit for. I genuinely liked him. Then, he ghosted me and acted like I never existed and I honestly couldn't understand why until we got back to school. His ex broke his heart again and he was back where he first started a mess. I eventually realized that no matter what I did I was never going to hold a candle to his ex. She was so much better than me. She is popular, pint size, curly hair, flexible, etc. Basically she's everything I'm not. So once again I settled. I only get texted or called when he wants to fuck. And of course I just went with it because for that short time I had his attention I felt like I was on the top of the world. Then once the dust settled and I was off my high I remembered exactly who and what I was. I remembered that I was a no one and that no one really liked me they just used me for their personal gain. The bell rung signaling that it was the start of sixth period and I walked to the dreaded class. I hated sixth period I have no friends in that class and I sit by myself in the corner because I'm the outlier. Isiah has this class and so does his so called girlfriend. She never liked me. She always thought I was the other woman when in reality she stole him from me. But then again he never did like me he always treated me like an option so maybe she did me a favor.