Sometimes everything seems surreal. Almost as if its in a dream. Except you usually forget dreams. It all comes back. The cold moments worth smiling about. I smile like it's something I've always done. Those moments where every bad thing fades away. I feel warmth. It hasn't gotten any warmer, it is still a cold February day, but I'm on fire. Pure happiness surrounds me.
In those moments I spent with you.
Negative space is daunting. When I am alone the negative space grows. This is because I am a hollowed out individual with a heart to fill the holes beaten into me like darts in a dartboard with the eating desire to just hit bullseye.
I see myself one day, I'm alone but not truly. I'm laying in a field on a blanket. It is a sunny day and I am just basking in the beauty of a summer afternoon, birds flying, the sky is clear. I have gotten through the hardest parts of life. High school, college, etc. I see myself in my late twenties.
Happy, a life that has been figured out.
In those moments I am filled with hope. Coming back to reality I am happy, however, I am not as happy as I could be. I am not living my best life independently and true to myself. Happiness is a gift, a gift you gave me, a gift my friends gave me, and a gift I lived without for 14 years and now I don't know how to live without it. I have improved.
My life has changed and I never want to be without you or me.
