Felony Jones

Scam N' Eggs

It was just after eleven pm when Felony made her way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. She felt groggy, but good after an unusually long nap. She liked working at night for the most part. It was easier to get around the city for one thing, but mostly she liked how the world was quieter. She felt more comfortable navigating the world unnoticed. Felony was a loner by nature and had become a night owl over the years. As the coffee finished brewing, she suddenly felt a pair of eyes staring at her. "I know it upsets your schedule when mama works at night baby boy, but it keeps you in this lifestyle," she said, looking down at Jeff as he gave her "the look." The look, as she called it, was an intense stare he gave her as she spoke to him, as if to let her know that he understood every word she uttered. Felony poured the pot of coffee into her thermos, put the cap on and walked over to the kitchen table. Jeff jumped up on one of the chairs as she put her coat on and threw her bag over her shoulder. "Go cuddle with Toshiro" she said, motioning with her head. He immediately jumped down and ran down the hall.

As Felony sped down the canyon, she thought about Nicholas being so afraid of something, or someone, that his first instinct was to run for his life when she approached him, when all she wanted to do was talk to him about one of his friends. She thought about auntie panty and what hell it must be to know your mind is deteriorating as quickly as your body, if she was even aware of how quickly she was losing her mind. She wondered what Toshiro really thought of her, or if he had any thoughts about her. He once called her, Wabi-Sabi so he must have the capacity to see her as more than, that large woman he interacts with every day. Whenever she got behind the wheel in a relaxed state, Felony's mind wandered, quickly jumping from subject to subject. She was so deep in thought, she realized too late that she had already come up on Sunset Boulevard. She slammed on the brakes but blew through the stop sign anyway, ending up halfway in the intersection. Luckily, the road was deserted.

When she made it to Toni's All-Nighter, she pulled into one of the spaces up front. This time, she decided she was going to take the direct approach, and being a Monday night, the place was pretty dead, with just a few people scattered around the room. Felony walked up to the counter and plopped down, setting her bag on the stool next to her. The waitress came over with a glass of water and a menu. She had the look of every B-movie waitress she had ever seen on TV or at the movies, right down to the piled-up hairdo and the dangling, fruit-themed earrings bouncing around as she moved. For a split-second Felony thought she had stumbled onto a movie set. Felony picked up the menu, then immediately put it back down. "You know what you want?" the waitress asked. Felony wasn't going to beat around the bush tonight, she wasn't in the mood.

"Yeah, could you tell me if Nicholas is here?"

"Nicholas?"

"Yeah, Nicholas."

"He's not..."

"Have you seen him?"

"Nope. I haven't..."

Felony nodded slowly, tightening her mouth. Obviously, this woman wasn't going to make this interaction easy. The waitress had a pretty good poker face, but Felony wasn't going to let it deter her. She was just going to have to adjust her tactics. "Okay, here's the deal. I owe him some money and I'm here to pay him back." Felony was instantly embarrassed for coming up with a transparent lie, but it came out before she could stop herself. It was out now and she couldn't take it back. She could see the waitress wasn't buying it. "You owe Nicholas money?"

"Uh-huh." Felony said, unconvincingly.

"Honey, that boy doesn't have a pot to piss in, let alone have money to loan out. Try again."