Felony Jones

Bloody Married

     Felony was sitting in her office staring at the whiteboard she had scribbled all over, obsessing about how little of it made sense so far. There were names and dates along with random words written, and arrows pointing in every direction that were supposed to mean something, and connect important dots, but it still looked like a jumble of nonsense any way she looked at it. She had the urge to erase everything on it, or just throw the thing in the pool. She suddenly remembered something she had forgotten to cut out of the newspaper that she had strewn all over the couch. She grabbed a pair of scissors off the table next to her and searched a few of the pages until she found what she was looking for, carefully cutting it out, then setting it down gently on the table next to her. She picked up an orange she had sitting on the table and started peeling it when the phone rang. It startled her, making her drop the orange into her lap. "Goddamn it!" She quickly searched for something to wipe her hands on, ending up using her bathrobe.

"Hello?...hi...Malibu?!...alright, but give me a few hours...okay—bye." It was Saturday and David wanted to meet up for lunch to discuss something. She had just seen him a couple of days before at his office, but an extra day in the week to spend time with him, in a non-work environment, was a surprise bonus. Malibu was a good place for lunch and to spend a little time at the beach, but that was about it as far as she was concerned.

When Felony got to the restaurant, David had obviously been there a while, being that he was halfway through his second Bloody Mary. He was sitting at a table outside on the deck where the cool breeze felt good. He stood up and waited for her to sit before sitting back down himself. He had a strange grin on his face and he seemed a little nervous. Felony wasn't much of a drinker, but decided to join him. David got the attention of the waiter and pointed to his drink, then held up two fingers. As they waited, Felony kept catching him looking at her, quickly averting his eyes every time she noticed. Normally she didn't need to have a conversation with him, just being near him was enough, but this visit was getting awkward with the nervous glances. She finally had enough. "What is going on with you?" She said, on the verge of being irritated—something she could never have thought was possible with David. He had a devilish smile on his face and his whole body seemed to be pulsing with energy. Felony rolled her eyes. "Seriously, what's going on?" she asked. The waiter came back to the table and set down their drinks. Felony picked the celery stalk out of her glass and tapped it on the rim then stuck it in her mouth.

"I'm getting married!" David said in a loud whisper, leaning in. The celery stalk fell out of her mouth and onto her lap. Her whole body froze. After a few seconds she rebounded and picked the celery up and set it on the table. "What?!"

"I'm getting married! Laura and I are getting married!" Felony was speechless, staring at him with her mouth agape. David became concerned after getting no reaction. "Well? Do you have anything to say?" He asked.

"Holy Shit!" She replied.

"That's it? Holy shit?"

Felony's mouth started moving, but nothing came out. Finally, she could hear herself talking. "I'm just shocked, that's all."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't even realize you were still together—I mean you never talk about her." It was wishful thinking on her part more than anything.

"Well, we don't generally talk about our personal lives to each other, do we?"

"Uh, no—I guess not."

"We've been together going on ten years now, so we thought it was time. I just—I guess I just thought I should tell you."

"Why?" Felony said, realizing the response landed like a thud and sounded cold.