The day i decided to...

Prologue

   It was 3 am. For some reason, I wanted to walk outside. Wanted to be free from the shackles holding me. I walked and I walked, never knowing where I was going. I might've shed a tear or two; I didn't really know. I checked my surroundings. Not much cars were in sight, just a few speeding past. A group of friends were struggling to walk, clearly drunk. They must've had a blast partying, seeing as they were laughing loudly without a care for the world. How I envied them; I wish I was them. They seemed so happy, so content just goofing off. Meanwhile, I was by my lonesome, probably looking like a total loser. I hated myself. I got so pissed off that I kicked the wall. I certainly regretted it 5 seconds later. Ugh, a couple walked past me. It pissed me off more, seeing them all clingy and lovey dovey and such. I hope they trip up. Maybe I should've shouted "nothing lasts forever!" just to spite them. Sorry, my mind's a mess, and I couldn't think straight. I might as well walk some more.

   Pit, pat.

   Pit, pat. 

   The sound of my footsteps really seemed louder than usual. I might've just been imagining it. I think I've walked a few miles already. I looked at the night sky and admired the stars.

   "What a beautiful scene," I remembered saying.

   I noticed that I stopped walking and just stood there at the side of the highway, by the bridge. My eyes suddenly wanted to secrete a lot of fluid. And by a lot, I meant A LOT. So much that my eyes hurt. My chest decided to make things more difficult by hurting as well. Thanks brain,  you really know how to make me feel like shit. I didn't want to make a scene, so I wiped my tears with my hands, not that anyone would see it anyways. I looked down and saw the river, still as it could be. I've always wondered how deep this river went. I went to the railings, pulled by some unknown force. I tried to peer down, hoping to get a good look. No good. It was too dark.

   "Do fish still live here," I wondered.

The more I stare at it, the more it seemed to invite me in.

   "I don't know how to swim though," I said to myself.

   Sighing, I put my bag down and placed it down on the cold pavement. I didn't want it to get wet. It had my IDs after all. I climbed on top of the railings and once again looked up. The stars seem to have multiplied in the few minutes that I wasn't looking. I stared at the moon for a good few seconds before saying

   "God... Are you watching? Did I deserve all this?"

   I half expected an answer, but obviously no reply came. How silly of me, to be asking the creator such a stupid question. Of course I deserved all of this.

   I'm a failure as a person.

   As a son.

   As a father.

   As a friend.

   As a lover.

   Lowest of the low.

   Scumbag.

   Trash.
   
   I've lied.

   Cheated.

   Stolen.

   Hurt others.

   Hurt myself.

   I only wanted to be happy. Was I wrong for wanting to be happy?

   "Enough of this," as I looked at the night sky one last time.

   "It really is a beautiful night. I guess I'll go die now."

   And then I jumped.