This is why I've always avoided heights. This is why, I've always been terrified of that happening ever since I was little. Heights are the worst. absolute worst. It's not the heights fault that has always scared me..but the falling part. And it almost happened tonight. To say I am shaken up over it, is to put it lightly.
As Anthony hugs me, I notice we are still close to the edge. I quickly jump up out of his embrace and walk slowly away from the ledge, to where I hear the waterfall, and realize I am safe again.
But I can't get over what just happened. I fall back down on my ass, and curl up into a ball, very silently letting the tears flow.
I feel a hand touch me and I jump, only to realize it it Anthony. I sink my head back in between my knees, back into a ball position. He rubs circles on my back, trying to comfort me. "I-I'm so sorry that happened.." He says.
"It's not your fault." I respond, trying not to let myself cry to loud. He can't know I'm crying, yet I'm sure he already does due to the shakiness in my voice, and the sheer fact that I just looked up at him.
"No I shouldn't have pushed that on you, I really am sorry..." He says. I don't respond because if I do, I'll begin sobbing. I feel him put his arms around me, once more.
I don't know why, but the realness of it all finally sinks in. Sure, we finally found a place for some food and water, but here we are. In the middle of nowhere. We have been walking for 2 nights now, and we still haven't gotten out of here yet. We're freezing, and...ok feel free to call me a pussy. I miss my mom and dad. A lot more then I'd ever be willing to admit. I am probably putting them through so much mental tourment right now. They are probably looking everywhere for me, only to be getting nowhere. I miss them, all I want to do is hug them right now. Fuck my birth parents, they were never in my life for a reason. But my parents, the ones who raised me, all I want right now is to hear their voices, tell me it's all ok. But I'm nowhere near them. I'm who knows where now, and I am more lost then I've ever been in my entire life.
Anthony breaks our hug. I hear him walk away a little, as I look up, to see him picking some fruit. I wipe my eyes a little bit, and breathe in some of the air, trying to calm myself down, so I don't break down. I can't allow that to happen. Not now, what good will that do. Anyways, I am really good at avoiding my feelings. I'm sure I can just brush this off.
He sits back down with a handful of fruit, "Here, that should tie us over for a little." He drops a bunch of berries in my hand. I sigh, "Are you sure these aren't poisonous?" I ask. Anthony shakes his head, "Nah, I checked the plant types, totally edible." I give him a look of curiousity, "I'm sorry, you study plants?" He chuckles, "I just remember learning in school which plants are safe and which aren't. These are fine." "Well ok, I guess I kinda trust you.." He darts his eyes up, with a cute smile, "You better trust me! I only saved your life just now!" I smile back "That's because you wanted to finish the job yourself.." I joke, as he bursts out into laughter, "OK Ian, yeah, you totally have me figured out now." He says. I toss the berries into my mouth, "Hmm sweet.." I say. "Sweet berries for a sweet person." Anthony says, with a huge smile. I shake my head in response, yet I feel my cheeks blushing, "That was so fucking cheesy.." I laugh, as I see him cutely place a berry into his mouth, "Sorry, I couldn't help myself!!" He say. I smile at his cuteness, as I look over to the waterfall. Such a beautiful sight. Something about gallons upon gallons of water flowing down, in the misk of the nighttime is just so beautiful. If only I had a camera with me right now.
"I remember.." Anthony starts, still looking at the waterfall. I look over at him, as he looks at me, and we both look back at the waterfall at the same time, "I remember my dad used to take me out to waterfalls sometimes. To get away from our stressful house. I mean...don't get me wrong I loved being around my mom and all but sometimes her panic attacks got to be a lot that we just needed alone time." He pauses, "When I was little he was the only person I could talk to. You know...about family stuff." I nod my head. "I don't know, it was nice. Crazy to think someone I once thought I could trust with my entire life would end up hating me for something I can't even control.." Anthony hangs his head down. I can tell he is holding back some tears as he shuts his eyes for a second, takes a deep breathe, and opens his eyes back up again. "It brings back bittersweet memories." He says.
"You said you found out in seventh grade, right?" I ask him. He nods his head. "Yeah, I was in seventh grade to." I admit. He looks up at me, "Wait..you're?-" "Yes." I pause for a second, "It was weird though. I mean, the normal thing growing up, for me at least was, you love who you love, and that was that. It's just the neighborhood I was raised in, always welcoming of everyone, no matter if you're a guy who likes dick or not." Anthony chuckles at what I just said. "I never had a crush on any girls growing up. I thought it was a little weird, but I tried to ignore it. Then in seventh grade I had my first male crush. He was a football player, I never had a chance in hell with him. But when I found out it was just so casual...I mean my parents asked me how my day at school was, and I said i think I might like guys and..that was it. They didn't even care, right after I told them, they just told me what was for dinner and...that was that." Anthony shakes his head, "If only it was that easy for me.." He says. "I'm just a freak.." He whispers.
"Anthony...do you think I'm a freak?" I ask him. "What? No, of course not!" "Well alright then, I declare that you are not, nor have you ever been a freak either. Just grew up around assholes, that's it." I say, giving him as smile. He smiles back. "Th-thanks Ian...I'm not used to hearing that...it's nice to hear. I guess I've been used to being alone..is all" I rub his back, "You're not alone anymore Anthony..I'm here, and guess what?" "What?" he asks, "Im not going anywhere anytime soon."
