Thanks to You (Jalex)

Ain't it fun to be on your own, ain't it fun you can't count on no one

The fresh stinging in my lip was nothing compared to the pounding growing in the center of my forehead as anxiety clenched inside my chest. What the fuck just happened? That was the only thing I had going on in my mind. Well, that and the fact that I can still feel the softness of Jack's lips. I swallowed hard, all too aware of the thickness in my throat now that I'm not distracted. I blinked, struggling to focus on the back of Jack's dad as he flung through shirts in his side of the closet while I tried to look like I wasn't just sucking his son's face off.

"Are you even listening?" He chuckled, pulling a plaid shirt free. "This could work."

Some kind of awkward mix of a grumble and laugh escaped my throat and I shrugged half-heartedly when he raised his eyebrows. Licking at my lips, I ignored the irony taste staining my tongue and caught the shirt against my chest as soon as he threw it.

"Alright, go and put that on." He ordered. "And do something with that crazy hair."

"Yes, sir." I saluted, forcing myself to remain calm when he looked me over again.

Are my lips swollen? Is my face too red? Do I look as flustered as I feel? My heartbeat grew louder in my ears and I held the shirt in my hands tightly to disguise the shaking in my fingers.

"Get out of here." He chuckled after a solid minute of silence, shaking his head.

I turned out of the closet, trying not to move too fast as I left his room. I glanced into the empty bathroom, frowning at the absence of Jack as I trailed back down the hall. Butterflies swarmed up my stomach and into my chest as my hand hovered over the doorknob to his closed door. I curled my fingers around the cool knob and felt sick to my stomach. Sick because I just made out with my best friend completely sober and I can't help but want to do it all over again when he doesn't even feel the same way. A grimace fell over my face at the realization coming undone in my head and I swallowed thickly, immediately noticing the tightness growing around my lungs. I sucked in a sharp breath and shoved the door open, happy t find it empty as I stumbled into the room.

I shut the door and slid down against it with a hiss. My knees curled up into my chest out of instinct and I dug my face into my crossed arms tightly, hearing nothing but my rapid heartbeat and staggered breathing loud in my eardrums. I cringed, forcing my eyes open to stare into the carpet while I tried to keep my vision clear and alert. My fingers curled into tight fists and I threw the shirt far away from me. My hands raised into my hair, knocking the beanie from my head carelessly as I pulled to get myself out of it before it could start, but it was too late.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! That kiss meant nothing. He doesn't feel anything for me. It's all out of pity; the cuddling, the touches, the words, everything. He kissed me because he feels bad for me. I'm fucking pathetic.

I shuddered, feeling my face tingle with heat as I heaved out one short breath after the other. My throat stung with harsh coughs as I continued to choke on my breath and everything blurred around me. I pressed back against the door with every part of my body feeling as stiff as a board while my hands clutched helplessly at my throat. I blinked slowly, knowing damn well that I'm hyperventilating like a fucking fool by the way my body was trembling. The coughing made my throat constrict even more and a whole different wave of panic rushed through me once I fully registered that I couldn't breathe. My legs fell limply to the ground and I watched the blurs of the room spin around until everything went black around me.

I came to, prying my eyes open only to squint them to avoid the bright light of the room. I moaned in pain, sore almost everywhere while my skull practically pounded out of my head. Once I blinked my eyes open fully, my vision cleared and I recognized the ceiling of Jack's bedroom right away. I forced myself up and instantly cradled my head, wincing at the Sahara Dessert replacing my mouth. The door sprung opened and barely moved my legs out of the way from getting slammed in time. Jack practically jumped inside and shut the door urgently, dressed in nice black pants and a red and grey sweater vest over a black dress shirt. The pattern hurt my hazy eyes and I looked up, hating the sinking in my gut when we locked eyes.