insanely in love ☠ kryozgaming

15 | change for me

john's pov

i was recently discharged from the hospital and was given pain killers for the healing wounds. y/n seems to be herself again, well, jeze said so anyways.

"deva seems to be hiding again since she closed up the portal herself. y/n's herself again." jeze said mentally to me and i just nodded in response.

"i don't know... uh, hi john!" y/n looked at me confusingly and laid her head back down on the chair's backrest. "this is the most confusing, ridiculous, and 'what the fuck is going on' scenario i have ever been in." y/n sighed loudly and looked at me. "so i do have an inner demon myself. her name is deva." she put her head in her hands and just stayed like that for a minute or so.

"i know deva. i never seen her but based off of what jeze been constantly complaining about, she seems to be top of the class in her legion but very stubborn to work with." i commented. 

"i dont know, i dont fucking know my life anymore." y/n yelled and i see tears welling up in her eyes. shes having a mental breakdown. "my life was so normal, i mean, fuck, all i did was stay at home and work for other people and get money and try to adult every now and then. then all of a sudden, you came by, kidnapped me, and then told me there was a demon in you named jeze. and the next moment, you were all bloody on the floor and i strangely got joy out of it because of deva. and demons exist now? oh so fucking great." y/n went on and on and all i could do was listen.

"hey. calm down for me please." i said to y/n quietly and i see her look at me. "i... okay." was all she could say before crashing down onto my chest. i can feel her wet tears against my shirt, i could care less what happens to it now. "im so fucking sorry, im a fucking failure-" y/n started sobbing and i soothed her immediately.

"no you arent y/n. you're perfect the way you are. you are perfect to me. you are perfect in everything you do, the way you talk, your humor, your looks, your work, everything. dont forget that." i caressed her hair slowly and i can feel her smile against my chest. 

"you too!" y/n smiled and laughed as we both just laid there together. "and please john, dont ever change for me." y/n looked at me in the eyes and her face was only inches away.

"i wont, but i will only change our relationship for you." i said. she looked at me as if i said some foreign language. "what do you mean by that?" she asked.

should i tell her that i love her now? 

"we're more than friends." i winked at her and i see her blush. "what? okay smooth talker lets see about that." she stuck her tongue out at me and i returned the gesture.

"can we just... cuddle?" y/n said to me and laid down on top of my chest. "sure. im tired right now." i looked at the time. "12:46AM" it read. "play some music, the silence is killing me." y/n said and went on her phone to turn on bluetooth. "oh so my sexy voice isnt enough?" i smirked and i see her raise her eyebrow at me. "yeah, its lacking. a lot." y/n scoffed and connected to the nearby speaker. she went on spotify and went on the "chill rock" playlist.

-a/n: hi start the song now or just read, and italics is the song lyrics & bold is john's thoughts.-

hangin' out where i don't belong is nothing new to me

i get tired and i get sick and then i lose the strength to leave 

(i can't handle change, i can't handle change)

this song oddly describes my life and y/n's.

nothing i do is ever good, nothing i do is ever good enough

nothing i do is ever good

nothing i do is ever good, nothing i do is ever good enough

nothing i do is ever good

how we both hate our work, our own selves.

leave me alone, leave me alone

(i wanna go home now)

leave me alone, leave me alone

(i wanna go home now)

but we somehow still struggle with life despite our best efforts.

i can't help but repeat myself,

i know it's not your fault

still lately i begin to shake

for no reason at all (x5)

but we're still here despite the pushdowns. here we are still breathing. here we are still alive.

here we are in pure bliss and lovestruck.

__

a/n:

780 words

next chapter contains smut/fluff.

have a yeehaw day