I Wanted To Tell You I Love You(Philkas)

Aftermath

Phillip P.O.V

I stared into the lifeless eyes of the man below me. Helen was rapidly explaining our situation to the first responders, all of which I didn't recognize, and to Gabe who looked about ready to pass out. Everything was drifting by me. I could hear Helen talking but I couldn't tell what she was saying. I could see people moving, but none of them registered with me. The only two things I was sure of, one was that if it weren't for Helen's iron grasp on my shoulder I'd probably be in hysterics, and two the man that had been relentlessly pursuing us was finally dead. I should feel safe and relieved but I don't. I feel sick. My brain felt like it had been shot at. Thoughts were flying everywhere. I wanted to look away, look at anything but the lifeless eyes below my feet, but I couldn't seem to tear away my gaze.

"Phillip", a voice penetrated through my thoughts, "Phillip honey" I heard again.

"Phillip look at me" I heard Helen say loudly, now holding me at arm's length.

"Hey, it's ok," she assured, nicer this time, "Gabe is going to take you to the hospital, accompanied by Tony." She told me.

"But. You." I said, unable to really say much.

"I know. I wish I could take you myself, but after everything, I have to be taken in. They want to take you to, but since you're a minor and clearly in shock they've agreed to place you under watch at the hospital overnight." She explained quickly.

"Oh" was all I managed to say back.

"Just know everything I did was to protect you. Stay with Gabe and Tony and you'll be ok." She told me.

"Lukas," I said worriedly. Where was he? The car. Oh my god.... he hadn't been in the car all this time, had he? I think I remember him bleeding. He can't be.....he won't be....he's not...my mind panics. I try to share my fears with Helen but only stutter out a few incoherent syllables.

Helen, recognizing my panic, quickly fills me in, "Lukas is fine. I just got word he made it safely to the hospital. The doctors are patching him up as we speak." She smiles at me stroking my cheek the way my mother use to when I was little.

Thank god...I don't know what I would do if I had lost Lukas. After everything, we've been through. After all the trouble we've endured. It would seem cruel of life to dangle someone so beautiful in front of me only to snatch them away the second hope is in sight.

"Wait. My mom." I finally remembered. After all, it was the only reason we'd rushed into the city, right into his trap. I still didn't even know his name. I think Helen had said it but everything was so fuzzy...

"Oh honey," Helen says wrapping her arms tightly around me. All of a sudden I could feel Gabe's hand on my back. This isn't right...

"I'm so sorry." Helen chokes out, "we just weren't fast enough...he got there first." She said sounding wrecked.

No...

I felt nothing. I should be crying. Balling even. Screaming at someone. Angry at this man who'd taken my mother away from me. She was finally getting better, just as she'd always promised. Now she'll never get her chance. I remember her showing me her chips last time we'd talked. The ones proving how long she'd remained clean. She was planning on taking them to the judge in a few more weeks and ask for visitation. She'd promised to take me out for coffee on our first legal visit. Now she'd never get that chance. Her opportunity had been stolen from her. My mother was gone.

I felt Helen pull away and kiss me on the forehead. I still felt nothing. None of it felt real.

"Go on hon, I'll see you both as soon as I can," Helen said with teary eyes. I assume she was addressing Gabe and me, but I didn't have the strength or the will to respond. It was like someone had turned off some switch in me, rendering me useless.