"I miss you Ethan.." Read: 9:30 pm

9:30 pm

Here i was lying awake for the one thousandth time for god knows what reason.

Its Monday morning and i have school. Senior year, can you believe it? Ive made it this far.

My two best friends, Ethan and Grayson were always there for me, as was i for them. We were eachothers rocks, although the twins always had eachother to count on, they never made me feel less included.

They suddenly got big on youtube over the summer of sophomore year going into junior year. They promised our friendship would never alter.

Grayson promised to keep in touch. He promised to never lose his best friend.

He kept it.

Ethan, Ethan was more than just a best friend. During sophomore year he grew feelings for me, as i already had some for him, but i shared that with nobody.

We started dating halfway through the year and everything was perfect. We had the summer of our lives including Grayson.

We had perfect sunrise dates, perfect sunset dates, hiking and swimming and surfing, skating down the streets, getting ice cream.

Theres even this one memory that never leaves my mind.

We rode our skateboards down to the pier to get ice cream on a warm sunny Sunday night. Grayson was doing summer work, while editing their next video at home.

We stopped and sat outside. Everything was perfect. Me and him, the sunset behind him, our skateboards by our table, the laughter coming from us. It was like a fantasy. I could never forget that night.

I was laughing so hard when he told me he busted his ass skateboarding while i was out at the dentist one time when i suddenly felt a cold substance all over the front of my face.

Ethan had smacked his ice cream all over my nose.

That night continued of laughter and play fighting. He was more than my best friend, he was the love of my life, as i thought i was his.

That night ended with me and Ethan cuddled up on his front lawn looking at the stars, i fell asleep in his arms.

I never felt more safe in my life when i was with him.

But when youtube came, he promised he would never leave me, it would never change him, his feelings towards me could never go away.

'He would never lose contact' 'he would call me every night, FaceTime every morning' bc junior year came around and they started going on trips to California during the year to boost their career.

They missed a lot of school. Half way through junior year and they just dropped out and began online school.

Of course we were still neighbors, and of course we were still best friends, we just.. weren't as close..

We didn't have much time to hang out anymore.

I missed my best friends.

But someone who always keeps their promise never left me.

Grayson.

We texted every chance we got. We were closer than ever although we weren't physically together.

I guess Ethan was the reason i was up this late. Every night, he never leaves my mind. I missed him, i missed my best friend and the love of my life. I really thought i was his. I guess i was wrong about that too.