Paradox

Reality.

Does it ever end? Does it ever take the pain away? Are there actual factors to make it worse or better, or just the constant thoughts disorienting matters in your head chronically? Whichever it is, the outcome remains the same. Is it possible to restrain these feelings in a rational way, without simply concealing them? Possibly. What point does it have, though, if the change made isn't pleasing your soul but the way others tend to think of your imperfections and just you in general. Did those thoughts always affect you? Did you develop this anxiety, fear and hate towards yourself through a rougher period in your life? You asked yourself these on a daily basis and as it became a routine, now you carelessly get past them — on the surface, anyway. Deep down? "Only you know what you feel" they say. What happens if you don't know it either? If it all happens to be absorbed inside you so deep — carved in your inner self with no escape from any of it? What happens then? Other people see the surface and for a while you actually believed that it's just them and that you know differently and more. With time though, you're made to realise, that so do you. You're only discovering the surface of your real self and with that, you're losing your identity until one day you notice. A simple question or even just a memory coming back to you. Anything could be the trigger. Whenever it is and whatever it happens to be that shows it, sooner or later you'll ask yourself that question and will have that thought in your head again. Who am I? What did I become? You won't have an answer. Just the memory of your old self fainting more and more with each second that passed before and after your realisation...