Change | E.D

Twenty Eight

Charlotte

"Please come back with me?" he asks for the millionth time later that night, well, probably early the next morning in fact, as I walk him out to his car.   

After our big conversation on the porch and after everything was pretty much settled, we came back into the house due to the ever growing chill outside.

My blanket was starting not to be enough since we'd decided to share, and I really just wanted to escape inside and curl up against something.  Apparently Ethan had been thinking the same thing because the second we'd sat down on Annie's couch, he'd brought me onto his lap and had rested his chin on my shoulder.

And that's pretty much how it was the entire night. When we weren't eating like the starving teenagers we are; he was apologising over and over, kissing me, or twirling my hair around his fingers. If it's not completely obvious yet, I've been grinning like an absolute fool all night.   

But that's okay, because Ethan has been grinning like an utter goon too.   

And I know how he's feeling right now, how he feels like he just doesn't want the night to end and he wants me to come sleep in his bed with him like I did when I was staying at his house, because I'm feeling the exact same way.

But there's a bigger part of me saying that this relationship, as screwed up as it already is, needs somewhat of a sense of normalcy. And me sleeping all curled around him every night isn't normal. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Well I want his heart as fond of me as possible. To accomplish this, we don't need to be around each other every single second.  

Like I really, really want to be.  

"I'm sorry," I say, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his clothed chest. I've been kissing random parts of him all night and even though it's making me feel somewhat like a perv, I really don't care. The boy's just really damn kissable.

"But I think I should keep staying here. I think it'll be best in the end."  

He gives me a dramatic pout, "How is it best if we're not together?"  

Although his words make every single girlish fiber in me cheer out in happiness, I know that I need to stay strong in order for this relationship to work.

I reach out and run my fingers over his stubbly cheek, finding contentment when his eyes close because of the pleasure. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I say, "Because I want this...whatever between us to be normal. And it's not normal if we're together every second of every day."  

"So?" he smiles once his eyes are back open and trained on my face. "Look, I haven't slept good the past two nights and that's because you haven't been there with me. Do you really want to be responsible for my further sleep deprivation?"  

I roll my eyes at how melodramatic he's being about all of this and then smack him on the shoulder. I say, "Stop being such a tit, man." He laughs out loud at this, but before I can say anything in response, he leans in and puts an almost bruising kiss to my lips.

But I love the ruggedness of it, the almost animalistic quality because it shows me that he really is as intense about this whole thing as I am. Although I know he's been true when he tells me he loves me, it's still nice to be reassured.   

When he pulls away he says, "I love that you talk like a dude sometimes. No other girl would ever call me a tit."  

"That's just cause they don't know you as well as I do," I say teasingly, giving him a wink.  

This, for some reason, evokes a groan out of him and before I know it, he's slinked his arms around my waist and has yanked me towards him. "Please," he begs, leaning in and pressing his forehead against mine, "Just come stay tonight with me. Just tonight."  

Even though my body is pretty much dying to give into those gorgeous hazel eyes of his and cuddle the night away with him, my common sense is telling me that it'll be better in the long run for me to keep bunking at Annie's.

Although I am in love with Ethan and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I won't be able to ever get over that, I still don't want to have to depend on him for every little thing. I know in my heart that that's just not healthy. I need to some things in my life my own way. So I say slowly, "I'm sorry E, but I'm sleeping here."  

"Fine," he says quickly, dropping his arms from around me. "But I hope you know that you're breaking my heart right now."  

"Wimp," I tease, shoving him on the shoulder. "But we can do something tomorrow, if you'd like? You know, since you're so mad that I'm not going to sleep with you."  

"Oh," he says, reaching out and taking his jacket off the hook hanging on the wall, "We're hanging out tomorrow, no doubt. We were going to whether or not you wanted to."  

"Oh really?" I ask him, loving his fake commanding self because it's showing me that he does love spending time with me as much as I do him.  

"Yep," he says cheerfully, that once pouty tone disappearing. He leans in and presses a quick, sweet kiss to my lips and then says, "I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."  

"Bye E," I say, watching his muscular figure walk right out of Annie's front door. He shoots me a quick wink before shutting the door behind him, leaving me all alone with my thoughts.  

And all I can think about is how happy I'd be sleeping in his arms tonight. But I know that that's not the good thing to do; not the healthy thing. And I need to do what's best for me right now. I deserve a little bit of selfish time, don't I? After the month I've had?   

I'd like to think I do.  

With that thought, I flick the lock on the door and then shut the main lights off, knowing that it's super late and that Annie's probably been asleep for hours.

Once everything's locked up, I head into the shower and then step into the hot shower once I've got it running. As I cleanse myself off with all of Annie's organic, earth-healthy soaps that smell like flowers and fields, I can't help but let a smile grace my lips.  

Sure today started out horribly. This morning was probably the most horrible one I've had in a while, seeing as how I learned about my father's death in the afternoon. But today also ended very, very well if I do say so myself. Well enough to effectively cloud the crappiness that went down during the morning.  

And I am somewhat glad that I did go to Ethan's' house this morning and ream the two of them out. I'm not going to lie to myself. I got things out that I've been needing to get out for a while, told them things that I think they needed to hear. I spoke my peace.  

Judging by the amazing kisses Ethan has been planting on me since, speaking my peace was something that definitely went rewarded.

short chapter :)