Always You [Jimin/FF]

Chapter 8

Around a month passed by, you and jimin, both struggling with your lives, were still living apart. It wasn't easy, as you guessed, but it was hard, as jimin predicted. He never wanted to live a single day without you, but your and his ego clash tore you both apart.

Your lives were subjected to the harshest phase of your relationship. The breakup in the college days would have been much easier than this, going through a divorce, after living together, sleeping in one bed, being with each other 24/7. This was even harder than breaking up...

"Some things are destined to occur at a definite time and the timing plays the most important role..." You spoke aloud. You were reading a magazine about spirituality and mental health. Stuff that you found utterly boring in your college days...was your refuge now, after you lost almost everything in your life.

"What would jimin have been thinking about me? Does he love me even now? Does he even care if I'm alive?" Poisonous thoughts were wiping you off your conscious, and you were thinking about the impossible things.

"What if he got another woman in his life? Maybe that's the reason he never called me up or inquired about me."

Your mind was becoming more and more vile and despicable. Your thoughts were dreadful and you started trembling.

"Oh God, what's happening to me?"

There was nobody whom you could call for help. You got up, walked to the kitchen and drank a glass of water. You felt better immediately. Maybe dehydration caused that sudden shiver down your spine, you thought and returned back to your bedroom which was your silent abode.

"Nobody cares for me. Jimin hasn't called since over a month. He isn't bothered whether I'm alive or dead. Who the hell does it matter to, if I live?" You thought and opened the bedside drawer. Some random meds were lying there from your time of the accident. They were tranquilizers. You knew you weren't supposed to take them now, as you were alright, but you had no other option tonight.You picked up a handful of capsules and pills, held a glass of water firmly in your right hand and tightly clutched your left hand. You looked at yourself in the mirror.

"This is how I want HIM to find me, when I'm dead..." You thought...you were looking beautiful even today.

You sat in front of the bed, on the ground and opened your hand. The meds were all there, secured and ready to kill you. Just one shot, and everything would be over, forever. But suddenly your mind diverted from the suicide plan, to your own life and you dropped the idea of killing yourself. You ran in the bathroom and broke down.

After a few minutes of crying and sobbing and screaming and hitting the bathroom tiles with your bare wrist, you got up. Your head was spinning, you were witnessing dizziness and you could hardly stand upright. You held the washbasin tightly and looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked horrible. This is who you actually are, a pale, weak, skinny woman, with dark circles under her eyes. The clothing and dressing cannot make one look good, health is always the priority.

Suddenly you felt a twitch in your stomach and you burst out all the hatred and poisonous thoughts in the form of a vomit. You hadn't been eating much these days, but that wouldn't mean you would vomit.

It was almost a month that you had shifted in this apartment. You rushed to scan your cupboard and found a bag unopened. You opened it to find all the unused pads and tampons inside. You knew what you missed. It was your monthly menstrual cycle. You had missed your period.

Immediately you rushed to check a tiny diary which you used to mark the dates of your monthly cycle. It was almost two months that you were delayed. You couldn't understand the cause of delay and this sudden vomit made you even more sceptical.