Ben and Me

3: Coronation Street or Emmerdale?

**HUNGER GAMES SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER**

At around 7 pm Noah turns up at my house, Hunger Games in hand. I'm glad that we planned this, today was kinda shit. Although it was hot, I'm also getting a little tired of getting bullied by Ben and his little friends all day every day, and these nights with Noah really do cheer me up.

"Hey, loser." Noah greeted. I promise he does love me, his love language is just verbal abuse.

"Hey, shitface. Come in, I have the snack ready."

As Noah steps in, my mum steps out of the living room.

"Oh hi Noah, how are you doing, love?" Mum really likes Noah. She says he is a good influence on me and that I should stick around him if I wanna do well in life. Well I kind of have no choice. We are too far into this friendship for it all to end now.

"Hi Tracy! I'm doing good, how are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good! Having a glass of wine and the soaps are on, what more could I want!"

"Oh I might have to ditch Alex, that sounds very good. Is it Coronation Street or Emmerdale tha-"

"OKAY OKAY! We are going upstairs Noah. The last time you two started talking about the soaps, you ended up leaving me and getting drunk with her while crying at Corrie. That won't be happening again. Mum, I love you but you're not taking my friend off me. AGAIN! We can come down later if you're still awake! Again, I love you!"

"I love you too Alex. Noah, you know where the wine is if you want any hahaha!"

"I might take you up on tha-"

On that, I dragged Noah upstairs, so I don't have my one and only friend taken away by my mother.

We get into my room, and I have already set up with all the snacks, pillows, and blankets, ready for us to just put the movie on and stuff our faces.

Effie comes onto the screen, about to pull out Prim's name and I have to pause it. Since pressing play on the movie, all I could think about was Ben. It is so irrational that I have a crush on him. Number 1, he is straight, number 2, he quite literally bullies me. Both of these things should be red flags. Maybe I'm just colour blind. Or maybe I'm just a dumb bitch. Either way, this crush will only end badly, and I need advice.

"HEY! THIS PART IS SO GOOD WHY ARE YOU PAUSING IT!" Noah protested

"YOU HAVE WATCHED THIS FILM ABOUT 5 TIMES AND THAT IS JUST WITH ME! IT CAN WAIT!"

"I mean fair but that's not the point. What do you want?"

At this point, I froze. I don't know what I want. I have so many questions. Do I like him? Am I just sexually attracted to him? Do I want to be his boyfriend? Am I just being dumb? Does he mean what he says when he bullies me? Is it even bullying? It must be. But I don't mind it. Or do I? Should I just get over him? Should I simply ignore him and let it happen? Do I start retaliating and fighting back? But I don't want to hurt him. Or do I? Jesus Christ this is stressful.

"Well?" Noah asked.

"Ummmm. Well. I kind of don't know."

"So why did you pause Hunger Games?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Oh God, you didn't piss your pants again, did you?"

"HEY! That was one time!"

"Yeah, one time too many is you ask me. So, what is it?"

I take a deep breath in.

"Okay so I think I have a crush on Ben in fact I know I have a crush on Ben because I have had a crush on Ben for so many years now and I know that I am just being stupid but I just can't help myself he is just so cute and hot and I just don't know what to do because he literally bullies me and treats me like shit but I don't care but I also care because it upsets me but it's okay because I like it when he talks to me even if it is to just abuse me but yeah I hate myself because of it because I know I'm only going to end up hurt and he won't care and I will but yeah..."

And breathe...

We sit in silence. Noah is shocked, and I understand why.

The silence continues.

"Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, don't worry."

"Then say something."

"I mean, I think you just spoke enough to cover for us both."

He was right. I'm still out of breath.

"I mean, I suppose I kind of understand. He is kinda hot, and that's coming from a straight guy. I just did not expect that if I'm honest."

"So, you're not mad?" I ask him.

"Of course I'm not mad you loser. You are dumb. Very dumb because that man is an asshole. You just need to try to get over him."

"You think it's easy??"

"Well... no, but you definitely need to get on with it."

Again, we sat in silence.

"Oh, so you were looking at him today! You were seriously checking Ben Fletcher in the dining hall? Next time, please, for the love of God, make it less obvious next time."

My cheeks started to go rosy. "I will try, but I can't promise anything. The man is hot as fuck."

"That's fair."

A moment passed.

"PRIMROSE EVERDEEN!" Effie Trinket bellowed through her microphone as Noah pressed play again.

I feel a lot better. Now that I have it off my chest and now that Noah knows, maybe I can come to terms with how stupid this whole thing is. It never made sense and will never make sense, and Noah is right, it's about time that I grow out of this phase because in the end, it will only hurt me.