The Journal Entry's

Journal Entry #1

Hello old friend,
Do you ever feel like you would rather die than be somewhere, do something or be with someone. I honestly been feeling like that lately and the reason I'm writing to you is because i feel like I can't talk to anyone. I feel like I just want to die and stop breathing. I wish I felt like my life was better because I know i have a good life but I don't feel like I have one. I honestly feel i was putting in a life i don't deserve at all. In the life I feel I belong in I should feel love or being loved. When honestly I feel like if i say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing I mess everything up. I seem to screw up having friends because I don't know why. I lose the ones I want to keep close to me. Honestly I wish i had the balls to end it all. I wish i could cut myself open and watch myself die. That would be a true blessing right now. Yes, to die right now feels like I'm doing the world a favor and getting it over with. I hate that i build stuff up to a point where I snap at every little thing. The part that is the most screwed up about it is that my mom thinks its all about her. She thinks when I snap that I'm mad at her for it. Like no you are not the problem not all of my troubles are about you. It is soo difficult moving from a city where everyone is your friend to now where everyone hates you for just breathing. I feel like I can't breathe without my parents being like look at you are a failure, we would trust you if you didn't have bad grades, pretty much its like we would believe you if you had good grades. I could stress out to the point where I become depressed and want to kill myself every minute, I feel I can never be enough for my parents.

why breathe when the world can just suffocate you- depression