No Longer a Player

Change: One

Are you real?

Athena's

The party last night was a blast!

Good thing I really did come to that party, kaso I have to pay the price now.

And that is, a total mind blowing hangover.

I rolled my eyes, five am na ako naka uwi kagabi at two pm na ako nagising ngayon. I woke up because of my growling stomach then pag gising ko parang minamaso sa sakit ang ulo ko.

Well, immune na din ata ako. I face this shit always. In photoshoots, pictorials, shootings and sometimes even in guestings, I have a hangover but of course bilang isa naman akong magaling na actress I can always fake it effortlessly.

I sipped on my mug of coffee, I am a coffee person and I always like my coffee with creamer. I mean, drink now palpitate later ok?

My manager called me earlier, she told me about my schedule for this day and the whole week ipapasend nalang daw niya sa personal assistant ko ang full details. Obviously, full pack nanaman, like it is always.

Mamayang four pm I have a pictorial para sa movie na nagawa namin, malapit na siyang mag showing one month nalang and we are all expecting it to be a blockbuster hit.

Then six pm later I have to attend a ball. It's a charity ball for women who were harassed, molested, abused and raped. My parents asked me to attend because my brother can't, pati sila ay may kailangang asikasuhin sa ibang bansa that's why.

Since it's still early, I decided to just stay here in my unit. Mag ggym sana ako dahil this is the time of the day where I go to the gym and do my workout, but it seems like something is stopping me from coming there kaya sinunod ko nalang, wala namang mawawala sa akin kung susundin ko hindi ba.

I sat on my couch, still sipping on my coffee.. I opened the television and a breaking news flashed on my screen.

Dalawang dalagita, patay matapos umanong gahasain nang mag punta ang mga ito sa isang birthday party malapit sa kanilang barangay.

Nakilala ang dalawa na sina Ana Lino, labing pitong taong gulang at matalik nitong kaibigan na si Maria Sunny Montes, labing pitong taong gulang.

Sinasabi sa report na inimbitahan umano sila ng suspek sa bahay nito upang ipag celebrate ang kaniyang kaarawan.

Matapos ang kasiyahan ay mga bandang ala una ng madaling araw ay nagsisialisan na ang mga bisita nito ngunit hindi kasama ang dalawang biktima. Ayon sa isang witness, nakita niya umanong nilagyan ng gamot pampatulog ang mga inumin na ibinigay sa mga menorde edad.

Base rin sa report, dating kasintahan ng isa sa mga biktima ang suspek kaya't hindi sila nagdalawang isip na sumama rito.

Pinapayuhan ang lahat ng mga kababaihan na mag ingat.

Mainit at mga nag babagang balita inyong mapapanood mamaya lama—...

I changed the tv channel I am watching. Nakaka yamot lang maka kita ng hindi kaaya ayang mga balita, I mean majority of the news today are dominated by crimes! I seldom see good news to be honest.

Sometimes I feel like the world is no longer safe. I mean, criminals be loitering around, who knows that, the person you trust can actually be the death of you right?

Seeing news like this really bothers me.

Hindi naman por que nakaka uwi ako ng maayos tuwing may night out ako, tuwing may lakad ako at tuwing may party ako na pinupuntahan tapos ay nagpapakalasing, hindi na ako nag aalala para sa kalagayan ko.

Bouncers, security guards even the cops got my back not only because I am a well known celebrity but also multi millionaire heiress.

Hindi na bago sa akin ang mga ganitong ganap lalo na't gising na gising ako tuwing gabi. Laman ako ng parties, I know ectasy—party drugs to be exact. I see people getting so much wasted unknown of the things they are doing while alcohol consumes their system, ang iba hindi namamalayan bumabatak na pala. Ang iba, purposely at walang kaalam alam na nilalagyan na pala ng prohibited drugs ang drinks nila.

I am lucky because people are afraid of messing with me, alam nilang hindi magandang kalabanin ang pamilya ko, pero sa totoo lang.. iniisip ko din kung hanggang kailan ba ako magiging suwerte? Alam ko naman na walang permanente sa mundo, I make mistakes every damn hour I am living each night.. dadating din ang karma ko alam ko iyon.

I sighed and decided to turn off my television. I stood up and went inside my room, dumungaw ako mula sa glasswindow ng aking condo unit, I stared at the big city in front of me.

Buildings, cars, establishments. And the traffic as well, typical day in the capital city.

I have lived in the comfort of luxury that money throws at me. I can't almost ask for more, but there's this idea inside my head.. a question that has been lingering around my brain.

I was eighteen when I started my night life, I am insomiac.. someone who faces trouble in sleeping, my mind wouldn't let me sleep soundly ang tagal na panahon na din noong naranasan kong makatulog ng mahimbing at sa natural na paraan.

Alcohols knocks me down, sleeping pills puts me to bed.

I smiled bitterly, hindi ako tanga. I can sense something coming in my life, I know this is a big one, for my instincts tells me that this would change me and my life for a lifetime.

I opened the glassdoor of my balcony, I smiled when the wind caressed my face.. it feels good, the wind feels good I almost forgot that I am actually in the Metro.

I looked up at the sky, and mumbled some questions that
we're kept in my mind for almost all my life.

"Are you really real? Or are you only made by the human fantasies to scare us all?... Gaano ka katotoo?... God? Is there really a God?.."

Sa buong buhay ko, my parents would tell me that I should stop this lifestyle that I am living. Unfortunately , I cannot. It's seems like a dead end for me, parang wala na akong takas sa pinasok ko na ito.

Even if I am a popular person, a rich and powerful.. I have no direction in life. Hindi ko alam kung nasaang phase na ako ng buhay ko, I play.. at parang nakikipag laro din ang buhay sa akin.

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