Never Met a Girl Like Her | ✔️

(40)

H E A T H

Processing a loss usually goes a little - perhaps not a lot - but a little better when you know what you've lost. The fact that Leonie lost baby Hank, that was something I knew. That was something that I'd had a few weeks to come to terms with. Three to be exact. It hurt. A lot. But each morning that I woke up, it became a bit more bearable.

But losing Leonie. That was a harder pill to swallow. It might have had something to do with the fact that there was no closure. Not a word. She hadn't said it was over. She'd just told Jess that I deserved better. Were we finished? Was it space? I had no idea. Which meant that I was stuck in this limbo and I had no idea how to get the hell back up again.

Sarah and Alex stood in the kitchen on Saturday night, cooking dinner together. I was at the table with homework and assignments spread out in front of me. It was beginning to get too hard to focus in my bedroom. I could still smell Leonie on my throw, in my hoodies. I could see her perched on my desk while I studied. I could see her snoozing on the bed while I got up in the morning to cook her breakfast.

Once in a while I'd hear Sarah or Alex laugh but then it was hushed. As if they didn't want me to hear their happiness. As if I'd hold it against them. The menu for the evening was chicken pastry rolls and sauces. Something simple. Yum. I guess. Sarah did a lot more cooking now that Alex lived with us. She also loved referring to him as hubby whenever she got the chance. I'd never want her to be anything but happy.

She walked out of the kitchen and leaned on the doorframe. "Hungry?"

"No. But I'll eat."

She nodded. "Leonie's at Jade's. We just saw her in a Snapchat."

I looked up from the work in front of me and felt realisation hit me. I'd always shown strength when it came to my baby sister. Always. But I'd been a mess for the last three weeks and that was no example to her. None at all. I stood up and started packing up my books.

"Save me some dinner?"

She gave me a knowing smile. "Yeah. You might want to trim that beard before you go out."

I touched a hand to the stubble that was now the longest that it had ever been. Almost a Steve Rogers in Infinity War. I winced and went to the bathroom after I'd cleaned up the dining table. I never had a smooth face. But I cut it back so that it was short again. A shadow. And then I showered and left.

I had a thick throat thinking about seeing Leonie again. My stomach was in knots. I had no idea how she'd receive me. Would it only take a moment for her to realise that she didn't need to shut me out. That I love her and wanted to be there for her. Or would she become hostile and tell me to leave her alone. With Leonie, it could go in either direction. And that scared me.

Her impulsive behavior was something that I embraced. Appreciated even. But right now, I just wanted to find her, hold her, kiss her and tell her that she meant the world to me and I needed her. So much.

Jade's house was crammed full of people. I could barely squeeze through the door. The music was loud and the air stunk. Most of the time when I came here, I wasn't bothered by the atmosphere or the people or the noise. Tonight it was draining what little patience I did have, fast. I saw Bray first. He was over beside the ranch slider with a couple of friends that I recognized but didn't know. He had a drink in his hand and a smile on his face. I wondered if he knew how lucky he was not to have this enormous weight on his shoulders. He'd sent me a few messages over the last three weeks. His condolences and texts to ask if I want to catch up. I'd declined for the simple fact that I'd thrown myself into studies. As distracted as I'd been, it was all I had right now.