Never Met a Girl Like Her | ✔️

(43)

L E O N I E

The first morning that I was in Mather's Mercy, I wasn't allowed to leave my room for breakfast. I was technically admitted on suicide watch so there were a lot of rules and regulations that had to be followed for my first week. So meals were delivered. I wasn't allowed knives and forks in my room. Nothing sharp or long enough to wrap around my neck and I was supervised heavily until I was cleared a week later and demoted to 'non risk'.

So the first morning that I was allowed to eat in the cafeteria and I saw fries on the breakfast menu, I wanted to sob. I couldn't lie, being locked up in isolation while I was watched like a hawk and evaluated was pretty shit but with each new reward I was given, things felt a little bit easier. I got up in the morning, showered, took my meds in front of the med nurse, Holly and then I went and had breakfast.

Two months and three weeks down, one week to go. Like any other morning, I walked into the cafeteria and headed straight for the smorgasbord of bacon, eggs, hash browns, toast, fries. Ah sweet deep fried potatoes. I piled them on to my plate and ignored the jiggle in my hips. I had enough problems without adding an eating disorder to the list.

There was a whole other wing in the building for that and I'd met a few of those patients. My heart went out to them. Like it did for every other patient in this facility. Everyone had a story and most of them were heart breaking. I sat down at my regular table with a few acquaintances that I'd come to know while I was here.

With my plate stacked, I scanned the space for a place to sit and set sights on a group of people that I'd become familiar with. Acquaintances if you will. There had been a few teenagers of my own age here, but they'd come and gone. So I'd found myself hanging around with a woman - Janice - in her thirties who had bipolar disorder, an older man - Kent - in his fifties who had severe personality disorder and a boy - Rylan - just a little younger than myself who hadn't disclosed what he was in for. He was a bit of a mystery but it wasn't outright obvious what it could be.

"Good morning," I gave them a warm greeting as I pulled the seat out and sat down beside Rylan. The three of them murmured dim greetings. It wasn't unusual for Rylan to be less than cheerful. But sometimes I got a bit more response from the other two. It changed hour to hour.

I'd learned so much about the struggles that people face with these disorders and the mountain of inner battles that constantly keeps them on edge. I know that your mind can be your own worst enemy, but it'd been an eye opener to see the extent of how much worse it could be. I've always hated the medication that I have to take, hidden it in shame, but I've come to realize that I should be grateful that I have something to calm the internal storm.

For some, it's a battle no matter what they do.

"Are you going to eat that?" Kent's voice brought my attention from the food that I hadn't even taken a bite of. I met his expectant glance as he pointed at my plate.

"Yes Kent," I nodded. "I just sat down."

"You don't need to consume that much food," his disapproving stare gave me an exaggerated once over and I looked down. I mean. I'd put on a little bit of weight since I'd been here. But it was sort of needed after how much I'd lost after-- after everything.

"Kent, that's rude," Rylan piped up, his spoon swirling in his cereal. He never ate hot food. "She's thin enough as it is."

"Thanks," I gave him a curious stare before I turned to Kent, smiled and then shoved a handful of fries into my mouth.

"Mail," Hector chirped, his button up shirt straining against his large stomach as he waddled around the table. "Leonie, as usual, a love letter from Mr Gilmore."