Misfit Theater Company 2

3. Ensemble Theater Company

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as I come into the studio theater where class is held, and where Patti already is mingling with some of the senior theater students. For this class, we aren't just with other kids in our grade, we are with other juniors and seniors. Patti knows one of the senior girls from a theater camp she did growing up and from around school, so she filled me in on what to expect.

Juniors and seniors all work together in this class, though there is definitely a hierarchy that the seniors sort of impose on the juniors. Not in a mean way, more in a mentoring kind of way. Then, as my mom frightened me about, the ensemble members are cast in whichever plays make sense for them and for the others, they work backstage. Typically, Patti told me, you act in two and you're backstage in two. If you are really skilled at stage managing, for example, you may be backstage for three, and vice versa. It all depends on that individual actor, and I'm really hoping that whatever Mrs. Permala thinks I'm better at, it allows me to spend time with my friends. Although I think that whatever intensity Patti has inside her is contagious, because the hope that I get good parts for my acting resume also crosses my mind.

When I was in Hollywood, Tara Lyons and I talked a lot in her trailer about being dyslexic and acting. One day she wanted to know if I had an acting resume yet, or if I would like her to help me create one. After I told her I didn't have one, but I'd love her help, she asked me, "Are you passionate about acting?"

I shrugged. I didn't know then and I still don't really know. "It's fun."

"Let me put it a different way. Imagine that you pursue acting. You are between jobs. You need to do something for money, so you're waitressing or busking in the subway or something like that. Would you still be happy?"

"Waitressing?"

"Or whatever. Would you be happy in between jobs?"

"I think for me it's less about what I'm doing and more about who I'm doing it with. I would be happy between jobs if I could be with Thatcher and Patti and Moth."

"At the job or just in life?"

"I guess just in life."

"So then maybe that's all you need. Maybe you don't need to act."

"Well...," I started, and she raised her eyebrows with anticipation. "I think I do. Mainly because I don't think I have any other skills, but also—"

"—No, stop right there," she said, holding her hand up at me. "Stop any self-deprecating language right now. If anyone in show business hears that, they'll take it as gospel and won't hire you. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else out here will, because there are a million other people directors need to audition and they don't have time to tend to your ego. So let's hear that first reason again."

I took a deep breath. I have never been good at giving myself a compliment, and especially not in front of a celebrity I've been watching on my screen for years.

"I think I need to act because I am talented at acting, especially Shakespeare I think, and he's hard."

"Good, much better."

"And out of all the things I've done in my life, acting has been the one that has made me happiest. I can be someone else and somehow it helps me learn to be a better version of myself every time."

"Yes, girl, speak it."

"I want to keep growing as a person, and to do that, I think—I know that I need to stick with acting."

"Do it."

"I know it will be hard."

"Yep."

"But not everything has to be Hollywood. It can be local theater, or teaching theater, or something a little more attainable."