Misfit Theater Company 2

4. Jealously (Part 3)

After our read-through, Moth drives Thatcher and I over the bridge back to our neighborhood, where he drops us off in front of my house. It's still light out, even though it's already 8:00pm, so as Moth slows down, I can spot my mom in one of the second story windows checking to make sure I've arrived. She's probably been waiting there since I texted her that we were heading back just before crossing the river. She closes the curtain, probably so I can't see that she's watching for me. Baby steps.

"Alright you crazy kids, don't you stay out too late now," Moth says out the passenger side window after we've gotten out of his Jeep.

"OK Dad, thanks," Thatcher says.

"You got it, sport. See ya's," Moth replies before driving off.

Thatcher and I move silently to sit on my stoop, like we normally do after being dropped off or after hanging out, so we can say goodbye without my mom obviously watching us. If I could see the window directly above me, I'd probably see a familiar shadow.

Finally Thatcher speaks. "I feel like we should probably talk about Paige."

"What? Why?" I ask, delivering my worst performance yet.

He shoots me a look and smiles. "Janie... I saw how you reacted when she came into Patti's room today. What's going on?"

"Nothing." Again, no Academy Awards for me.

"C'mon... I know you. Why don't you want to be honest with me?"

I take a deep breath in. "Because I don't want you to think I'm crazy."

He looks genuinely confused. "I would never call you crazy." He pauses. "It's because she said the thing about taking care of us while she was away, isn't it?"

I kick some lose pebbles of concrete away from the crack in the sidewalk in front of me. "Maybe."

"That was a weird comment for her to make, and you are allowed to be upset about it. I would be. It was sort of a low blow. That's her perspective though, not mine. Not Patti's. Not Moth's. Plus, I don't think she would mean it like that. She's not a mean person, she was probably just talking. She probably wasn't thinking about how she sounded. And even if she meant it, remember that Romeo and Juliet was your idea, and that the friendship Grant saw in us was because of you. You got us there."

"That's basically what Moth said too," I say.

Thatcher sinks back in his seat. "You talked to Moth about this before me?"

"We have science together," I say before shrugging. "I didn't want you to see the jealous side of me just yet."

"You can show me every side of you, always. This," he says, gesturing between us, "is what I want, for a long while at least, and I hope to see every side of you in our time together. It's OK to feel jealous... I'm a pretty hot commodity," he says, and then cracks a smile.

I smile and roll my eyes. "I was jealous of her reading Hermia with you. I didn't like hearing all of those lovey dovey lines between you two. But that wasn't it."

He waits for me to continue, but when I don't, he says, "You can tell me. What else are you jealous of?"

"I'm jealous that she was with you guys before me and that she gets along with all of you so well. Now that she's back, it feels like I'm not needed anymore."

Thatcher takes my hand from where it's resting on my lap and holds it tightly. "You're our friend, my girlfriend. You're always going to be needed. We can all be friends."

I shiver at this, half-dramatically and half-seriously. I don't want to be Paige's friend, I just don't want her around. I know that sounds possessive and irrational and unfair, but it's how I feel. Still, I know not to say that out loud.

"C'mon, I'm serious," he says. "You might like Paige."

I open wild Janie's cage inside me just a bit, and admit, "I don't want to, I just want everything to be back to the way it was."

"Janie," he starts. "It's never going to be back to the way it was. We were on TV, our class is totally different, the shows will be different. We're moving on, so things are bound to change. I, for one, hope that we make a lot of new friends. Didn't Sean and Emma seem fun? Wouldn't you like to hang out with them?"

I nod.

"So why is Paige different?"

"Because... I don't know... because we got off on the wrong foot, I guess." I don't know how exactly to put into words that I just don't like her general personality so far.

"I'm not saying you have to be best friends," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't really care if you are. I just want you to be happy, and I think you might be if you feel like you belong with everyone."

I appreciate how caring Thatcher is, especially right now when I feel like I might be acting too possessive, but I'm suddenly really sick of talking about Paige and all of this.

"OK," I say before I attempt to move on. "I am being so selfish only focusing on myself, how was your day?"

He smiles, leans toward me, and kisses me. He lingers there, placing his hand in my hair and rubbing my cheek with his thumb. "I was happy to be back at school with you."

I kiss him back. "Me too."

We stay like this, slowly saying goodbye with kisses and smiles, until it is finally time to go to our separate homes. It's 8:30pm by then, and I'm already thinking about a new day tomorrow. I take a shower and try to wash the bad parts of the day from my memory. Maybe then I will be able to approach tomorrow with a new attitude.