Of Shadows and Darkness

Chapter 26

It wasn't fine at all. My stomach was so twisted with guilt I wanted to throw up. Once I had calmed down and was no longer angry at Gregor for his recklessness I started to get nauseated wondering where he was and if he was alright. I rubbed my hands together, my palms itched. I wanted desperately to fold paper to calm my nerves but I couldn't.

Cin watched me with tapering patience as I walked up and down in the library.

"Tristan," with irritation clear in her voice. "If you aren't going to study just go back to your room. Your melt down is very distracting."

"You're so heartless Cin, can't you see I'm having a hard time." I could in theory, get a piece of paper and fold it but I was afraid that the paper would be ruined. I was afraid I couldn't do it. There was a block inside me, an invisible barrier around me which made sure I didn't even try.

"Yes, I do see it. Please have your hard time in your room," sneered Cin. I couldn't tell why she was being so rude but I couldn't put up with it so I left. I was fuming by the time I reached my room, throwing the door open and then slamming it shut.

"What's you so riled up?" said a voice.

I turned and saw Gregor sitting on the edge of the bed. "What are you doing here?" I blurted out walked towards him slowly. I had been fooled before and I couldn't trust that Gregor was actually Gregor.

"Are you not happy to see me?" pouted Gregor.

"I didn't say that," I muttered getting onto the bed and sitting next to him.

"You seemed pretty mad that I came," grumbled Gregor. He had wiped most of the dust off his face and hands but his clothes and hair were still covered in the powder.

"I'm not angry it's just... why did you come? You were already in trouble, you coming here made everything worse," I said.

Gregor smirked. "I came for you."

"I know but you didn't have to." I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. I knew this wasn't my fault but it felt like it was.

"Then what should I have done Tristan?" Gregor's grey eyes darkened and he gritted his teeth. "You didn't want me to save you, you didn't want to leave with me when we had a chance. What do you want?"

"You should have waited!" I snapped. The words I had held back and the frustration I felt came bubbling up and overflowed. "You should have been patient, you should have thought it out or talked it out. You keep doing this, you keep charging head first without even trying to avoid trouble and deal with the consequences when they come up. But maybe if you think about more there wouldn't be consequences to deal with."

Gregor scrunched his face up and turned away from me. I couldn't tell if he was angry or upset about what I had said. Maybe he should be upset about it.

"You should have told me," muttered Gregor.

"Gregor," I whispered. I should apologize but I the words wouldn't come out. I didn't think what I said was wrong, but maybe right now right and wrong didn't matter. "Gregor I-"

Gregor got up and walked away, glowering at the ground to avoid making eye contact with me. He stepped into the bathroom and locked the door. I lay on the bed waiting for him to come out. I mulled over what I should say or not, if I should apologize or not. The more I thought about it the more anxious I felt- the harder it was to think. It felt like pressure was building but the valve couldn't be opened to let it vent.

I rolled over in bed when I heard the sound of the shower stop. I watched the door which unlocked with a click and opened with a bellow of steam. Gregor came out wearing a towelling robe, his hair was dripping. He must have been in a better mood because he actually made eye contact with me.