The ability in which you can find true love and not be hurt time after time is unknown to humans. I should know. I have been hurt more times than I can count and each and every time it felt the same. Like you were getting kicked in the guts. It hurt but you kept going back so that you can feel the feeling that you felt before the kick. You desire the smiles, the kisses, the feeling that you get when you give everything of your being to another. But you despise the kick. The feeling of betrayal is your enemy and the feeling of love is your worst nightmare on the inside. After you have been kicked a couple of times, you start to close. You hide, you run, you cry. You hide how you feel and you hardly ever smile anymore. You hate the sympathy but you dream of it. And if the love is gone, so is a little piece of you. So you start to wither like a flower. He loves me, he loves me not. With each heart-break is another petal broken off. Eventually all that is left is the stem, the basis of your very being and the place where there is no second chance. You start to wish for everybody else to be happy because you know that you never will be. You hope for the change but it never comes. You wish that the despair would just go away but it won't. It won't go. It does the opposite, it expands and grows. Like a sapling growling into a fig tree. You never know how long it will take or how tall it will be. All that you know is that it will grow. Always.
