Random thoughts and stuff

Grief

Its not even sad
I dunno what it is
Its like mad and sad
But not like MAD its like that low key mad/annoyed you get when you get a book stolen from you but you have a second copy of the book
You're not completely mad because you have second copy you can still read but you're ticked because someone had the audacity to steal from you
And its not like complete grief
Everythings not black and white with shades of grey and going in slow motion like movies show it
Its still in colour and its still moving fluidly but all the background noise is blurred out and I'm only hearing bits and peices
I remember how strong the feeling was when Kaleb died and I knew when she passed id feel like this again but it didnt make it any less of a tsunami
I thought if I braced myself for it it wouldnt be as bad but it didnt affect how bad it was

Theres nothing anyone can do its just anouther emotion and it will go away thats part of the reason I havent said anything about it because I know people will try to help then theyll feel bad because theres nothing to be done and I dont want anyone else to feel bad over something out of their hands