can't get over you ( s. pea )

prologue

"my mom?" he says it between sips of whiskey, his friends listen with smiles on their lips. "she was psychotic. always crying about something."  he doesn't mention that something was him, doesn't admit that he cried, too. his sister cried. that doesn't make the story interesting enough. doesn't put him in good light. she makes him feel small, then tells him he isn't taking up enough space. when his hands shake, she tells him to get it together. he has her, right? everything's fine. he has nothing to be sad about. 

"all she wanted to do was fight. it got annoying."  he doesn't tell them that her voice always rose. that part never comes up, no one wants to hear it. fails to mention that he was crying because she was upset, because she screamed, because he didn't just raise his voice that time. they don't need to know, and she's not here to tell them. she never will be. it's alright. it was only once. 

"she kept accusing me of lying," he chuckles. this is funny to him.  he doesn't bring up the fact that he was. him and his sister were. he knows he was, but that isn't important. this is his story. he is a child, while she was just a drug addict. who cares if the accusations were right, he shouldn't be accusing her. she's always right. she will always be right.  

"but at least i had her in my life," he grins. it's a joke, you know? moms are always crazy. it doesn't matter why, they just are. he found needles in her drawer, but he shouldn't have been looking. should have kept his mouth shut. she does this all the time. she's worried, right? he should know that she loves him, and if she doesn't, she's done enough to show her. she tells him sometimes. that should be enough.  

"she's fucking crazy," he says. "i dodged a bullet."  he doesn't mention that she was the gun.