Finding The Way Back To You

Chapter 3: My Kanin

"I love you Danya. I could be everything you need. We're young.. but I'll settle down for you. You're everything I've ever wanted. Please. Please give me the chance to show you- show you how happy I can actually make you." Kanin tears begin to spill, making my heart crack with every one that falls.

"Kanin.. I can't. I can't do this to you. I've already taken this too far. I've cheated on my boyfriend with you. I feel like complete shit. I can't believe I did this. I- I'm so fucking stupid. I love him. And I only love him. I want to be with just him. I fucked up!" I'm crying at this point and the tears won't stop.

I can see his hurt turn to anger in an instant, and I truly don't blame him. We're cooped in this small car and I'm breaking his heart.

"Why the fuck do you think you cheated Danya?! This isn't a mistake and you know it isn't. I- You're unhappy with him. He isn't giving you the attention and love you need, that's why you're with me. That's why you've been spending time and everyday with me. That's why we've had sex everyday. That's why I've fallen in love with you everyday more and more. Because you know you feel for me, you may not love me yet.. but give me the chance to make you see how perfect we'd be together. Danya please.. Don't go back to him. After all you've told me, how much hurt you've been through with him. Please don't go back. I love you. I'm in love with you!"

Buzzing breaks the silence from my phone, as we just stare at one another. "Marcus is calling me.. Kanin. I have to go. I told him I was ending things between us. I can't do this to you or him anymore. It's not right. You deserve so much more than me. You're such an amazing person. But you're right, we're young. I don't want you to waste time with me. I'm expecting too much from you. Just live your life, okay? Don't worry about me. This is what I want. For what's it's worth, I do love you. It's just not the love you want. But I do love you."

"Danya. I would do anything to make you stay. Here with me. But I know that's not what you want. I hope one day you find the way back to me. When I've matured, and you're ready, I'm going to give you the world."

Before I can say anything he puts both hands on my face and kisses me tenderly and I can literally feel the love from him radiating on our lips. I reach up and twist my hands in his hair pulling him to me. He slides his hands down to waist and pulls me to straddle him. The kisses deepens and at this point I can tell this is goodbye, and we need this. My dress is bunched up and I feel him hardening against me. So fucking rock hard. He begins to kiss my neck leaving a cluster of love bites. I take this opportunity it push up on my knees and unbutton his pants and tug. He quickly lifts us both and pulls them and his boxers to his ankles. He's dick is hard and standing, and completely ready for me. Neither one of us mention the need for a condom. This is our last time together, and as irresponsible and stupid were being, we both want to be as close as possible. I feel his hand slide down to my panties and slides them to the side. I'm dripping wet from him just kissing me.

He looks up and looks at me. The sadness in his eyes is enough to make me wish that I loved him how he loved me. So I could just stay. However, the love I have for Marcus.. it never goes away. I can't stay because I will always go back to Marcus. I refuse to break Kanin heart more than once. "Are you sure you w-want to do this?" his voice cracks. I nod. I'm not even sure if he means just the sex or leaving him. I truly believe it's both.

I slide on to him. I take every inch in slowly and filling myself deeply with his throbbing cock. I begin to ride him slowly and pick up the pace. He groans my name and we kiss the whole time never stopping to breathe.

"You have to stop. I'm going to cum." he states. "I want you to." I reply.
"We don't have a condom on."
"Kanin stop.. just go. I'm. I-I'm cumming too."
We both climax at the same time. I feel my body go rigid and my eyes roll back to my head, as I feel Kanin's tense, whispering my name and I love yous.

My phone begins to buzz again. I move off of Kanin and fix myself. While doing this, Kanin says nothing. I look at him and he's already staring. His body begins too shake and he uncontrollably sobs. I hold him for thirty seconds more, "I have to go."

I run inside my house. I don't look back. That was the last time I saw Kanin. Nearly two years ago and we haven't spoken sense.

"Do y'all know each other?" Jamal ask snapping me from my memories. Dakota is staring at me with worried eyes, already knowing this is my Kanin. Before I talk, Kanin does.

"We do." He states calmly and unaffected.

"Wow. What are the odds." Jamal laughs and Ashton joins in. They begin talking about some guy shit and walk out. Dakota remains standing between us. She turns to me but directs the question to both of us, "Are the sleeping arrangements.. uh- do you guys wanna switch rooms?"

"I'm fine with how things are. But if she rather room with you or one of the others, I can switch." Kanin looks to me waiting for an answer.

"It's fine Dakota. I'm just going to unpack. Maybe we can all make plans after, I mean it is the weekend. My first weekend here." I smile, she smiles back and looks at Kanin once more before leaving the room.

I start to unpack and I'm so in my head I can freakin believe this shit. "I'm really surprised to see you here." I jump and drop my toiletry bag, spilling the contents.

Kanin walks over and begins to help me pick up everything. I look up to see him staring at me, waiting for some type of words to come from me. "Yeah. I'm taking a semester off. I just wanted to do something different. Then came the internship." I rush out.

He smiles, "Well I'm happy to see you. I hope you've been doing well."

"I'm good." It's crazy how much more handsome he's gotten. He always reminded me of Ismael Cruz Cordova. But this Kanin looks like the hotter, older version of him from Miss Baja with a lot more muscles. I'm staring for too long now.

"How've you been? What's new? Do you have a girlfriend?" Why the fuck did I ask that.

Kanin laughs, "I'm okay. I actually wanted something different than Arizona for a bit too." He sits on my bed and watches me continue to unpack.

"And no, no girlfriend," he pauses, "Um. Ho- Uh."

I look up from my dresser. "What are you going to say?" I giggle.

"How is Marcus?"

My heart jolts from the pain from the mention of his name. I think whether to lie, but it makes no sense. He won't be here all summer to visit. I need to accept my truth. "We're not together anymore." I turn away to hide the tears swelling in my eyes and continue to unpack.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and pushing me to turn around. I look up with tear stained face, unexpectedly Kanin wraps his arms around me and pulls me in a hug. This is the most comforted I've felt in weeks and I relax. The tears stop and I almost feel.. happy? What the hell. Kanin pulls away and wipes the last tear away. "I- I'm sorry. We just-"

"Danya. You don't need to apologize or explain anything to me. I can see you're in pain. I can only hope the pain eases soon, and you can enjoy your summer." He smiles, and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. I look down at his lips and back into his eyes. I feel suddenly drawn to him. Oh my gosh. Do I want to kiss him? After these years. I see him do the same, look to my eyes, and to my lips. I can feel the magnetic pull between us.

"Do you guys wanna go ou- Err.. sorry, am I interrupting?" Ashton awkwardly holds the door, not sure whether to close it or not.

I look at Kanin once more. And turn to Ashton, "No let's make plans. I want bring in the summer with a big bang!" I follow Ashton out and don't look back to see if Kanin is following.

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