The Secret Behind my Eyes

Is it over yet?

Ambulance arrives and i see one firefighter carrying someone out of the house. Its my dad. I rush over to help him as a firefight is holding my arm, and not letting me go. they brought him into the ambulance, i finally give up and stop trying to run over there. 10 minutes have passed and no sign of Josh. As much as i just want to run inside and save him. I cant. My eyes are still balling. I think i love him... i know that it was the first date and all, but he ran into a burning house just to save someone i love. " I cant do this anymore! " *i full out sprinted into the house* i get to the front door, " Josh! are you okay?! can you hear me!? " There is no sight or sound of him. I took one more step in. The smoke is filling my lungs. i cant breath. then i think to my self once again, "is he worth it?" yes he is. i call his name again. still no response. i go into the kitchen, everything in there is burned or on fire. i thought i saw something moving, so i take a few more steps in. *crackle*.... what was that? i look up. the second floor is collapsing! i run to see if that was josh... no one was there. someone grabbed me from behind. i turned around quick in desperation of it being Josh. it was a firefighter. " We have to get out of here! " is said, "what about Josh?!" as he pulls me out of the house, as if he didnt hear me. I said, "what are you doing?!" he said, "saving your life." im coughing, shaking and just crying my heart out. "Theres someone else in there! go save his life!" he just stands there. ' Code red, report i repeat report from the building the entire house is going to collapse. i said, "No what are you doing? There is someone else in there!"

~~~~~~~* BOOM! *~~~~~~~

i turn back around. I fall down to my knees. my mouth open, i start crying way harder than anyone can think of. Its my fault. I could of saved him. If i didnt take the chance that, that was him in the kitchen. if i would of continued around the house. maybe up the stairs. but no. i had to check if that was him in the kitchen. the ambulance is about to leave with my dad. i run up to him before they go, " are you okay? "

he coughed, trying to get words out. but nothing was coming. i hoped in the ambulance with my dad to head over to the hospital, when all of a sudden i hear Josh scream my name. i turn around, no one was there. so i asked my dad if he heard him... no response. so i thought it was just all in my head.

~~~~~ HOSPITAL~~~~~~~

we just arrived at the hospital, go my dad into a room and let him sleep. i went to go get some food for when he wakes up. I walk down to the cafeteria thing and i keep hearing Josh's voice. Only this time it got louder, so I took a deep breath and kept walking. I knew it was all in my head. I walked back upstairs to his room, he was awake. but yet it felt like he wasnt. i asked him, "how ya holding up?" he still couldnt talk.

~~~Four days have passed~~~~

ive skipped all of those days of school so i could stay here with my dad, and he can finally speak. its been quiet the whole time i was there. it felt like something inside of me died. i had no one to talk to talk to again. no one to trust. ever since that night, i couldnt sleep. i had a lot of time to think. i hated it. i hated myself. i was thinking how my life was so screwed up. how nobody would care if i stayed or if i didnt. but then i remembered how strong i was. how i wouldnt let nobody take me out of this world. i asked him if he was okay... he didnt respond once again. its like he doesnt know me. he is just staring at me. my brother gets to the hospital. i look at him. he looks at me. we both look depressed. terrified of whats to come.