The Only Reason

Heartless

I missed him. Even though i tried not to, i missed him, badly. He was such a nice guy, pity he's with that other girl. I tried everything to forget about him, nothing worked. I tried watching Pretty Little Liars, failed. I tried listening to music, failed. I even tried eatingcout my feelings. That just made me feel even more insecure. Niall had a concert tonight. i forgot where. In the UK somewhere. I was so bored with my life. I felt like i had no meaning anymore. One of the biggest, most famous boys in the world had left me, thinking i was special. Bullshit. I decided i was going to spend the rest of the day watching tv, eating, and chilling. I can get over him. I didn't. I still sleep with his jacket he lent me. I never gave him that back. Although i wouldn't think he'd want it back, it's got tear stains all over it.

It was almost time for their concert to start. I looked at updates on the concert throughout it, just to see what's going on. I came across a short video of the concert that night. It was about Niall. "This saddens my heart!" The caption read. I clicked the video. They were singing 'Half a Heart'. It was Niall's solo. "Though i try to get you outta my head, truth is i got lost without you. And since then, i've been waking up to..." I saw Niall tearing up. Before long, he was full on crying. During his solo, the boys came behind him and patted him on the back. I started to cry, like the emotional bitch is am. I'm better off without him. My heart was fighting with my brain. It was madness. I felt guilty. I was the reason for those tears. I felt heartless. I can't even imagine what the fans are thinking. Once they find out i'm the cause of his tears, i'm done for. I watched the video over and over again, i cried each time. But it's over now, i don't need to be crying. He's not worth my tears. I tried to stop. I really tried. Somehow i just kept crying. At this point, i wasn't really saving myself the heartbreak. I was making it worse. I was just adding more fuel to the fire. And it was collapsing on me. I needed to take my mind off things. I needed a break. Although i had already tried everything that came to mind, i thought harder. I went upstairs with my tablet and blasted my music. I was home alone, so i took advantage of it. My heart and brain were still fighting. I couldn't take it. "MAKE UP YOUR MIND!" I yelled at myself. "Just get over him, he's not worth it!" I told myself. "You don't deserve him anyways!" I started a battle with my own self. I realized Niall wasn't the monster that was hurting me. It was me. I was my monster. The guilt came back. It was even harder now. I looked across my room to my vanity mirror. I saw my blade. I stood up to take a good look at myself. I reached in slowlyand grabbed my blade. I stood in front of my mirror, blade in my hand, tears in my eyes. "Mirror, mirror, if i cut my wrist, will i feel like i exist?" I said to my mirror as i gently slid the blade through my skin. "Mirror, mirror, can't you see? What you show is ruining me!" I yelled. I threw my blade across the room. "HE NEVER LOVED YOU!"  I said to myself. 

My phone rang. I paused for a moment, thinking it was Niall. It wasn't. It was Liam.I answered the phone quickly. "Stella!" Liam yelled. "What's wrong?!" I yelled back, worried as hell. "It's Niall. There's been an accident..."