Like I'm Going To Lose You

Chapter Seventeen:

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

George Bernard Shaw

Aaron's Viewpoint:

Looking down at the scene below was a sight that I was never going to be able to forget for the rest of my life. The meadow was something out of a dream to be in that had been turned to horror for many to witness. 

I let the man who was the father of her child go to the hospital first to see what they could do for her when we got the call about what happened. He knew more of the medical knowledge and would be her best support when she wakes up.

I...I couldn't bear the thought of going to the hospital and going through that trauma again, especially with the fact that I had to let her go the first time and then again with Haley.

Rhodes sent me the information that I needed to know in case I change my mind on the way to the crime scene via text. I didn't bother to open it due to the fact that I had felt like I wasn't ready to know that information just yet.

But as I looked over the crime scene, I am grateful that he told me. It gave me a sense of peace in a way that there might still be some sort of hope for her even after all that she has endured. 

"Hotch," came the cry from the scene below me. 

I looked to match the voice to the face and saw that it was Morgan who was now climbing the hill towards me.

It was now time for me to hide whatever emotion that I was feeling at this moment just so that Morgan didn't see how I really feel even though he could read right through me like a knife.

He was soon standing in front of me at the top of the hill and I could barely look at the man, and he knew. He knew right then and there that there was something on my mind that I could barely focus on what was now happening in front of me. 

"Hotch... why the hell are you here right now? You shouldn't be here right now. You should be at the hospital or somewhere you can get your head clear to make the best decision for you," Morgan said.

"Are you trying to be my therapist or something, Morgan? I came here to manage the crime scene, not to be tossed around like some stuff animal between people that don't want to hurt me or even want to know what I am feeling," I replied in a tone that rarely comes out of me.

"I'm not trying to step on your toes, but I just thought that this place would just be a sensitive place for you as it involves someone that you know. Besides, I think that it would be best if you don't join the team on this case right now, especially since it..." Morgan tried to reason.

When he brought the fact up that maybe this wouldn't be a good idea that I shouldn't be here especially after what happened with Haley. 

Morgan was the one who pulled me off of the body of George Foyet after I bashed his head in so many times. He knew that he was dead, but all that I could see in front of me was red and that I was still angry at what he had done to Haley, what he did to Jack. Hell, who knows maybe even Missy.

But I knew that Morgan was trying to not have a repeat of that day again, which I understand, but I knew that I had to be better. I had to know what happened to her. Why did she run? Why did she hide from me for so long and think that I would be okay?

The thoughts and the questions were racing through my mind as I looked over the crime scene. The meadow was the type of place Missy would have loved to be in. She would have found so much peace if it didn't break her to be nearly murdered here.

I closed my eyes briefly as I thought about all the memories that Missy and I shared in our relationship before Lodge came into our lives. Before she nearly murdered. Before she ran into the program and hid from me all of those years apart. Before I thought that she was dead and yet on the other side of it, she was alive all along, just waiting for her turn to come back into my life when she was again.