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III.
I exist.
I really do exist.
I exist!
I keep on repeating that to myself as tears cloud my vision. For the first time in a long time, I find myself crying. With shaking fingertips, I rely my life on the sheet of paper that was given to me by Karen Hunter who tells me that I am her sister. I have no other choice but to believe her... to buy what she told me... to trust her sincere eyes.
As I flush all my doubts down the drain, I slowly felt a sense of peace in my heart.
Walls are created because people are scared... and when you're scared often times you wouldn't allow anyone to help you out. You get scared because sometimes, you can't just trust what you see. Most of the time, it's easier for me to trust what I feel. Not that I base my decisions on my feelings, but I'd rather call it a gift. It's a gift because there's something with me and my feelings that usually lead me to the right places. I'm not sure but for the benefit of the doubt, maybe...just maybe...this gift comes together with me seeing visions and stuffs. I know it has something to do with that.
For this one moment, I'm letting go of all the walls I've built all over me. I am finally reaching the point where I know I need to get going, to start believing, to start trusting... to do more than just what I think I need to. I've been losing much time... I lost a lot in those years, I'm not gonna get paralyzed by my fear again. Who knows, probably Karen really is my sister. Why would she even tell me all those things in the first place? For what reason? But again, I've been losing years... I need to get out and take risks.
And this is me telling the world that I need help, and I want to be freed, and that I would at least try to believe in what Karen said - that I am Karchedelle Hunter.
You cannot blame me if I won't easily give in to her piece of information. I have remained hidden for three years and now that I just knew that I am 21 I have to process all of these truths to see if they are really empirical.
When you receive something, you first need to test it and see for yourself if it's real or fictional. You don't easily believe it without proper evidence. Argument is just not enough. A sheet of paper like a student copy is not enough for me. I have been misplaced in the past, I need to know it myself.
As soon as I come up with a plan, I step on our wooden porch and then I knock on the back-door entrance. Lara Johnson's (my foster mother) stomping footsteps is loud enough for me to hear her coming towards the door. "Cassidy, you're home!"
The back-door flings wide open as she gathers the pieces of me all together in her arms. Lara is really sweet, and having a foster parent like her is a blessing. But now is not the time to be thankful. "How was your day?" She says as soon as I step into the dirty kitchen.
I take a cookie from her pink jar and then I nibble on its edge. "Fine. Still the same." I lie. Of course. How am I suppose to say, 'Hey Lara! I figured out that I'm not Cassidy and that I am Karchedelle and that I am not seventeen but twenty one..'? It's hard, alright? I am planning to keep this a secret between Karen and I 'til I find the truth myself. "Listen, I need to go upstairs 'cause I'll be packing up for a trip."
Lara pauses and puts her arms on her hips. "And what is this trip young lady?" I am not young anymore. I wanted to tell her that.
"It's uh, for a research." I lie, again. See that? I am not very good in carrying lies. I hide my hand in my pocket and cross my fingers hoping that she won't notice my white lie.
"Well, alright. Where exactly is this trip at?"
"New York. I gotta go now. I'll leave in the morning." I already bought myself a plane ticket earlier. If it is too questionable, well I have my savings in my bank account so a plane ticket is not really a huge thing for me.
"Oh, sweetie... isn't that too far?" I know she will say this but I just smile at her and then I head upstairs.
The moment I enter my room, I open my closet and take out a bag that seem huge enough for seven to ten clothes and some other stuffs. I shove some of my clothes from the other portion of the closet into the bag and pull out some that was hanging on a hanger and into the bag again.
My heart seem so unstable, I had to open my laptop just to look up some news about the university that I was previously enrolled in three years ago. My preparations? I printed out a map, just in case, and then I carry along four credit cards with me. The Johnson's are really generous people, they are rich and really kind and they allow me to use credit cards.
The moment I was done with the packing and researching, I immediately look for my phone and compose a text message for Karen Hunter.
To: Chinky
I'll be off to New York in the morning. Wish me luck in this mission.
All of a sudden feel like there was a change in location. The pale rose wallpaper I have starts to change into a coffee shop setting and then I start to hear children laughing.
I suddenly saw a guy, sitting alone and being the only customer in the shop. I know for one moment I was having these visions again. My heart was beating along with another heartbeat in the background. My feet slowly finds their way to the guy but the moment he was about to look at me, everything disappears and I was back into my room again.
I open my eyes.
I've fallen asleep, it was a dream.
A dream that seems too real.
A dream that feels like a dejavu. A dream that paints reality... the guy in my dreams, who is he? I have been dreaming about him for years now but I cannot figure out who he is. Ever since the crash, I've been having him in my dreams... I have a strong feeling that the setting in my dream was at the Coffee Shop that I had been to yesterday... and the guy, he must be the one I saw back there too. It can be possible.
But who is he?
Where is he? Why does my heart feel something for him? What do I exactly feel?
I look at the clock, it is already dawn. I need to get up and prepare.
My first mission starts at this very moment. I have to prepare my heart for anything that can happen today.
Because today, I will be walking with the feet of Karchedelle Hunter and not anymore with the feet of Cassidy Johnson.
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