Truth and Lies

Chapter 44

** JJ's POV **

Back at home, Emily was taking good care of me. She wouldn't leave my side, even for more than two minutes, although I insisted I was fine.

"Em, I'm not going to therapy." I repeated again and again.

She had brought it up over breakfast as I pushed the bacon around my plate.

"JJ, you need to talk to someone. At least, start by talking to me. I can tell there's stuff in your head, and you need to get it out of there."

Damn I hate profilers.

"Fine." I sighed, giving up. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Why did you try to overdose on sleeping pills?"

"Em, I was just tired of waking up every hour from a nightmare, of seeing John's face, or Angus's face, or being tortured again and again. I just wanted to end it all for once."

"I understand that, Jayje, I do, but those things have made us who we are. They help us develop as people, and show that we are different to them."

"But how different are we really?" I asked her.

She paused for a moment. "JJ you're not them. And they are not you. There is a distinction between the two. You don't hurt others, you don't kidnap or abduct them, you don't abuse them, you don't kill them."

"But I have, Em. I've killed people."

"That's the job, though, isn't it? We all know that's a possibility when we apply for the job. But we make the world safer each time." 

Emily was doing her best but my mood wasn't lifting. I felt the urge to take the pills again, but Emily had hidden them somewhere, or disposed of them, and I didn't want her to catch me looking for them.

"I'm tired." I stated, breaking up the discussion.

"JJ, it's only nine in the morning." 

"I'll talk to you later." I got up and headed to bed.

** Emily's POV **

I really didn't know what to do. JJ's changed ever since that moment in hospital. The only thing I could think of was to call for reinforcements, so I called the team. Well, I called Garcia first.

"Hey, Penelope, I need a favour."

"Sure, buttercup, anything."

"Can you gather the team? Plus Morgan and Alex. I need some help with something."

"Be there in thirty!" She squealed excitedly and hung up.

Now all I had to do was to keep JJ away upstairs for the next thirty minutes.

** TIME SKIP **

The doorbell rang and I hurried to open it, praying JJ was still asleep.

"Hi, guys, thank you for coming." I said, letting everyone in.

They all had at least one bag with them and they helped me to decorate the living room and kitchen area downstairs. 

"Right, I'm just going to get her." I said and went upstairs.

I knocked softly on the door before coming in.

"JJ? Are you asleep?"

She had her back to me but I knew that she was actually awake. When she slept, she let out a weird noise every few breaths.

"JJ?"

"Emily, I'm sorry." She said and started crying.

"JJ, talk to me." I begged, sitting beside her.

"I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see them. And when I wake up I feel them around me."

"It's going to take time, you know that." I squeezed her hand.

"I know. I love you, Emily."

"I love you too. Now come on, get dressed and come downstairs." I pulled her to her feet.

"What for?"

"You'll see. Now do as you're told." I laughed.

She put on a plain white blouse with puffed sleeves and dark jeans. I smiled as she brushed her hair and instructed her to let it out.

"JJ, it looks gorgeous." I reassured her.

She took her time but finally she was ready. I went first and told her to stop at the bottom of the stairs. Everyone jumped out from their hiding places and shouted 'SURPRISE', and her face lit up so much.

"Emily, did you plan all of this?" She asked in amazement.

I nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Yes, my love, I did. It's our engagement party that we kind of missed." 

"I love you so much." 

I pulled her toward the kitchen and handed her a drink. She downed it in one.

"Wow, steady on there, Jayje. It's going to be a long night!" Garcia laughed but handed her another.

For the first time in a long time, she was so happy. JJ was smiling, drinking, laughing, singing, she was herself again. And she was enjoying herself.

"Thank you, Em." She slurred as she made her way over to me.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked her.

She shrugged and planted a very wet kiss on my lips, I could smell the alcohol on her.

"Maybe you should slow down?" I suggested.

"Nah, it's only just beginning." She screamed and headed back for another drink.

I watched as she drank more and more and then finally wandered back toward me. I was sipping a glass of wine when she collapsed next to me with exhaustion.

"Wow, I needed that." She muttered.

"JJ, you're drunk."

"I know." She said with a giggle.

"Maybe you should go to bed."

"Maybe. But do I want to?"

"Come on, let's get you upstairs."

I tried to lift her up but she pushed me away.

"Stop, Emily. You don't own me. If I want to go, then I'll go." She said.

I knew she was drunk but her words stung like a sharp needle. I decided to let her fall asleep on the couch and to get everyone else to leave. It was nearly midnight anyway.

"Thank you all for coming." I said as they left, happy and cheerful.

The whole floor was a mess but I was too tired to tidy up. I think I passed out next to JJ on the floor. Our hands met as I closed my eyes.