Hold on Haylee

Making an Important Decision................

Kira had said that she wanted to give the babies up and I could  tell she was not interested in anything I had to say about her decision. She looked away when the nurse brought the baby to her so she could feed her and she didn't want to hold them in the begin. I feel so sad for Kira and those babies. She was forced to have sex and children when it was not her time and the children may never know who their mother is if she gives them up.

This whole situation is terrible from off the rip.

"How about we give you a little more time to truely think this over and we will be back", I told Kira.

Then as soon as we was about to leave I heard the nurse come in the bouchers about Making a better home for your kids. I almost flew over to the nurse and slapped the shit out of her. She had no right to tell her she had to give up her child. Only she could make that decision.

I knew in my heart she wouldn't be able to give the child the finanical support or love but i figured she would grow to do so in the future. Was I just being selfish yes but also i wanted them to know that they would never be alone.

On top of always protecting my siblings I said I would never leave them willingly.And that went for the children also.

"Y'all need to clean this house up", I said to the children as soon as we got back home.

I came home to grab Kira some fresh clothes and also so I could get ready for work. She still had three more days in the hospital so she stillhad time to see what she wanted to do.

Truely if she wanted to give them up she could and I would support her. Hopefully she know in her heart what she is doing is right and no one can tell her except her self.

"Why do we have to go to school tomrrow Kira just had babies." Gavin asked

I looked at him as if he had lost his mind then i asked him" Did you just have children"? I quickly answered before he said something silk "Nope, so your going to school and i don't want to hear another would about it."

When I was getting Destiny some clothes ready so she could go to auntie house i notice some panties under the bed. Looking as if they were tucked under there for hiding I got them. When I saw they were  Kira's bloody drawers. I clutched them and cried myself to sleep luckly Destiny told me to get up. I quickly removed the panties from my hand and got up.

Going out side so we could catch the bus I threw the panties away and walked across the street to the nearst but stop.

"when are Kira and the babies coming home", Destiny asked

I didn't want to lie to her but i didn't want to tell her the truth. And really i didn't know the answer anyway it went .

"well Kira was going to come home soon , but the children may not come home.

"but why i love them so much"Destiny said

And that almost broke my heart all over again. Not knowing what to say that want hurt her feelings was hard and I wasn't emotionally stable to tackle a question like that right now. I tried my best to answer the question really good and well so she could understand.

"Well maybe when Kira come home then she will bring the babies but if she don't we will still be nice to her right," I asked destiny to confirm she understood what i said.

"Yes sissy I will be nice to her ewerwave" Destiny said

She was so adorable when she talked like that but I told her she is a big girl and she shouldn't talk like that.

Going to work today was going to be really hard knowing that I have to provide for my siblings and maybe even for two more made me think.

I had totally forgot about the money that was in the envelope and i was taken back by who sent it. Having so much on your mind really throw me off.

The Next Day

I went down to the wefare office to apply for section 8. They set up an appointment but only my mother could be the person who went. Its that crazy I applied but she can only do the interview. I have not seen her in like 2 1/2 months. Hopefully she's not far.

If y'all didn't know my mother suffer from Schizoaffective Disorder. Which is combination of serve Bipolar and Schizophrenia which makes her lose touch with reality sometimes and its hard to get her back to normal. she had stop taking her pills along time ago and it just got worse. Everyone thought she was on drugs that why she couldn't support us. Nope just cause she went even crazy.