Why My Teachers Hate Me

How To Understand The Name 'E.W'

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The many wisdoms of Freddie ‘E.W’ Rooney

Gareth – “The doors locked.”

E.W – “The alcoholic!”

P.J – “Farm Boy and Fat Pants are still hung-over, E.W’s good though.”

E.W – “Nikki said I’m taking my alcohol like a man.” (Childish grin that makes him appear three)

E.W (Yelling at laughing first years) – “How dare you have fun in school!”

E.W (In maths) – “Cause you can’t spell ‘Fundamental Principle of Counting’ without ‘Fun’.”

P.J (On some slut) – “She’s not a slut, she’s lascivious.”

E.W – “That’s just a fancy way of saying slut.”

E.W – “I’m more bored then a llama at a camel festival.”

Fat Pants – “He was so high he cried, because he realised snakes were just tails with faces.”

E.W – “I wish you would stop telling people.”

E.W – “If you poop in Holy Water does it become Holy Shit?”

E.W (Drunk) – “If hamsters could talk I think they would have British accents; because British accents are awesome.”

Nikki – “I love British accents.”

E.W – “Yours sucks, it’s tainted by the monstrosity that is the Irish accent.”

Fat Pants – “Superman or Batman?”

E.W – “Superman, he’s awesome. Besides, all Batman has is a tool kit. What if he loses it?”

Nikki – “He also has the ability to say ‘I’m Batman’.”

Nikki – “Does anyone know any good blue hair dye?”

E.W – “Blue, for when purple isn’t hipster enough.”

Nikki – “I’m not a hipster!”

E.W – “Do you have a Chem partner?”

Jessie – “I’m not in your Chem class.”

E.W – “Are you sure?”

Jessie – “Pretty sure. I don’t do Chem.”

E.W – “You know how the icons on the iPhone shake when you’re deleting them? Do you think they’re shaking in terror that they might be next?”

E.W – “I think I love food more than I love people.”

E.W – “I broke up with Stacey.”

Fat Pants – “Why?”

E.W – “She likes Twilight and I just couldn’t handle the embarrassment if anyone ever found out.”

Nikki – “Wanna come to mine tonight?”

E.W – “Can’t sorry, I sold my soul to the devil and the bastard is calling for the rest so he can eat the hopes and dreams of young children for a while longer.” (He had to work)

Nikki – “Right so, have fun with that.”

E.W – “Sometimes I envy my dog. He doesn’t have to do Chemistry.”

P.J – “I don’t think the awkwardness when the tampon ad comes on TV while you’re watching TV with your dad ever goes away.”

Nikki – “Try watching it with your boyfriend and two of your brothers.”

Fat Pants – “Try being one of those brothers.”

E.W – “I am not comfortable with this conversation, so I’m changing the subject to trees.”

E.W – “I bet Edward Cullen could give Overly Attached Girlfriend a run for her money.”

E.W – “You know societies messed up when your four year old sister wants a One Direction tattoo. On her lower back.”

E.W – “You’re the best gay best friend ever!”

Fat Pants – “I’m the Super Bowl of best gay best friends.”

E.W – “The zebra shows her spots.”

E.W – “You have a voice like a beautiful Gorilla.”

E.W – “You’re like an overgrown first year.”

Farm Boy – “Are you calling me fat?”

E.W. – “No, just stupid.”

Farm Boy – “Oh, right.”